You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Tom Cruise Apology Was Perfect Hallmark Moment
Sep 7, 2006, 08:02
LOS ANGELES - Looks like the Cruise control has been kicked in high gear, as Tom's team sees the Mission Impossible star's newfound gift of sincere sentiment as the perfect "Career, Take Two."
Celebratty Chatter has learned that Tom's recent meeting with (and subsequent apology to) Brooke Shields was prompted when Mr. Cruise sent a heartfelt handmade card that had Brooke's eyes wide shut with tears.
Inside sources say the outside of the card featured a playful pair of papier-mache calico cats, but the real artistry was the poem inside. This just-leaked verse has all of Hollywood thinking. For a star who strikes such a health-conscious pose, this Magnolia cupcake is surprisingly gooey in his prosody.
Dear Brooke,
Paxil is pink, Zoloft is blue,
Tom Cruise turns chatty catty to patch things up with Brooke.
Your pill popping's swell, your postpartum true.
My agent agrees, my career's going bust
So I thought, what's the best way to say I was unjust?
Some chocolate, a Lexus, or one perfect flower?
After freaking on Today, that worked for Matt Lauer.
But Kate said, "Play it cool, not all 'show me the money!'
Have a chat over omelets, hopefully not runny."
So, Brooke, I'll apologize for my crazy accusin'
If you'll say your sorry for Suddenly Susan.
Godspeed,
Tom
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
