Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Vanessa Hudgens Homemade Sex Video Surfaces on Internet
Sep 9, 2007, 09:04
LOS ANGELES - Vanessa Hudgens has more to apologize for than a few perky-breasted but otherwise virginal nude photos currently starring as the screen savers du jour of sticky-fingered Internet types, young and old, across the United States.
The photos, it seems, were only the tit of the iceberg. Bed-headed geeks and freaks with dodgy skin and prophylactics over their keyboards will be chuffed to learn that the risqué snapper shots of Ms. Hudgens, the perky-breasted, eighteen-year-old star of High School Musical, are actually stills from an autoerotic sex-video she made for Nickelodeon star Drake Bell two years ago.
According to THEM Weekly, Ms. Hudgens' sex video, coyly entitled Open Me First, was made "as a gag Christmas gift" and emailed to Mr. Bell, who denies ever seeing it.
"Drake never opened the video—first, last, or otherwise," said a representative. "He learned his lesson about opening email attachments, even from people he knows intimately."
Those who have opened Open Me First—forty-five seconds' worth of footage apparently filmed with a cell phone camera—were treated to a nude Ms. Hudgens sitting spread-eagled in front of a Christmas tree. She is wearing a Santa hat, Christmas gift tags about the size of silver dollars for pasties, and a red, mistletoe-decorated thong.
While Zamfir's version of "You're All I Want for Christmas" plays in the background, Ms. Hudgens removes the pasties from her perky breasts and smiles alluringly into the camera.
Next she takes off the thong and waves it seductively. Then, removing the Santa hat and slipping her right hand into it, she whispers, "I want Santa to come up my chimney because I've been a good little girl this year."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
