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Indiana Jones Movie Won't Be Called The Colonoscopy of Doom
Sep 10, 2007, 11:49
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HOLLYWOOD - The long-awaited new Indiana Jones movie will not be called Indiana Jones and the Colonoscopy of Doom, despite Harrison Ford's stumping on behalf of that title.

Shia LaBeouf told reporters at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas last night that the next installment in the popular Indiana Jones series will be called Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

"The security around the movie's title has been tighter than a ten-year-old," said Mr. LaBeouf.

Nevertheless, Them Weekly has learned the identity of the other titles that had been under consideration:

Raiders of the Lost Stool Softener

Indiana Jones and the Priapism from Hell

Indiana Jones and the Assisted Living Crusade

Indiana Jones Oversleeps Again

Indiana Jones Finds Treasure in His Depends

Indiana Jones and the Segway Disaster

Indiana Jones and the Senior Citizen Cruise

Indiana Jones and the Lost Grecian Formula.



In other news, Jack Nicholson is rumored to be in talks with UnitedArtists about a sequel to Easy Rider entitled Easy Does It.

As Mr. Nicholson's character in Easy Rider, alcoholic ACLU lawyer George Hanson, was killed in the original film, Mr. Nicholson will play his twin brother, Harry, in the sequel.

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.