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O.J. Simpson Arrested for Robbery, Vows to Find Real Thief
Sep 16, 2007, 16:33
LAS VEGAS - O.J. Simpson was arrested today for allegedly participating in an armed robbery at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino Thursday night. Simpson was read his rights in his room at the Palms Casino Resort, according to a police source.
The arrest came as a surprised because Simpson had assured a reporter earlier today that he and one of his alleged victims had spoken by phone and agreed the incident was overblown.
The alleged victim, Alfred Beardsley, originally told police he was present when Simpson and two friends invaded Beardsley's hotel room in search of memorabilia that Simpson claimed were stolen from him. Later, however, Beardsley told TMZ.com that Simpson had called to say he was sorry and to remind him that Ron Goldman was slit open like a Easter ham just for having a pair of eyeglasses that didn't belong to him. Simpson also e-mailed Beardsley the opening chapter of his next book If I Killed Alfred Beardsley in His Hotel Room in Las Vegas for Ripping off the Juice.
Simpson, meanwhile, told CNN's Ted Rowlands that he had been tipped off that several of his personal items were on sale at the hotel. Included were the second bloody glove, the knife he used to kill Ron Goldman, and Nicole's spleen.
Simpson entered the hotel room with two other men posing as buyers in what he termed a "sting" operation.
"It was like Oceans Eleven," said Simpson, "if Danny Ocean was black, a homicidal maniac, had only two friends, made no money, and got caught."
Simpson said that it was not a robbery.
"I'm O.J. Simpson, Hall of Fame Murder Suspect. When I became All-Pro in the NFL, I didn't go back to playing Pee Wee football. Osama bin-Laden isn't going to mug a guy outside a 7-Eleven. I am not a thief, and I won't rest until I've found the real thief in this case."
The alleged robbery occurred on the day Simpson's book, If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer was released. The Goldman family, who own the rights to the supposedly fictional account the Goldman-Brown murders, decided to release the book to get money awarded to them by a jury in the 1997 wrongful death suit against Simpson—and because it makes Nicole Brown Simpson look like a "naughty, naughty whore."
The book will have stiff competition as George Bush's If I Invaded Iraq Under False Pretenses and Completely Screwed Up the World and Lord Voldemort's If I Killed Harry's Parents will also be released this week.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
