Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Britney Spears’ Sons Not Bothered by Her Nudity, Drug Use
Sep 18, 2007, 09:09
"Don't bogart that joint, S.P."
LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears’ sons have refuted claims that her using drugs and walking around naked all the time represent a danger to their well being—or an impediment to their continued growth and social development.
Speaking through an attorney, Sean Preston Spears, 2, and his brother, Jayden James Spears, 1, said their mother is “free, white, and twenty-one” and if people don’t like what she does in her own house, they can “stick it where the sun don’t shine.”
The boys’ declaration of support came shortly after Tony Barretto, who worked as Ms. Spears’ bodyguard for two months earlier this year, testified at a custody hearing that Ms. Spears did drugs and went naked in front of her children. Mr. Barretto, 28, also testified that he was fired simply because he didn’t hear Ms. Spears when she told him to pick up her hat.
“He’s a fat shit loser who smelled really gross and was always stealing our snacks,” said Sean Preston and Jayden James. The boys also accused Mr. Barretto of “spying” on their mother when she was “making potty.”
In related news, Britney Spears' attorney Laura Wasser was replaced by Mel Goldman of the Los Angeles law firm Freid and Goldman. Mr. Goldman refused to comment about the reason for the change, but a paralegal who works for Ms. Wasser said she was tired of pleading with Ms. Spears to wear clothes around the house.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
