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LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears fans will stage a nude protest rally in front of the Staples Center this Saturday in support of "every mother's right" to go naked around her children.
The rally, which kicks off at noon, is sponsored by MUFF (Mothers Undressed in Freedom Forever), a pro-home-nudity group that counts many Britney Spears fans among its members.
Although MUFF was denied a demonstration permit by the City of Los Angeles, MUFF president, Cynthia Long, said her group was prepared to go to jail to show its support for Ms. Spears.
"I have two little boys about the same ages as Britney's, and I'm always getting naked in front of them," said Ms. Long, 28. "I mean, I'd look pretty stupid wearing clothes when we jump in the bath tub together.
"The establishment wants to take Britney down, but they've gone too far this time," said Ms. Long. "Britney doesn't need some judge to tell her what she can and can't wear in her own house. I could understand if Britney's kids were, like, eleven and twelve, maybe, but at their age? Is the judge afraid they're going to go blind or what?"
According to Ms. Long, MUFF expects several hundred members from the West Coast to attend Saturday's rally. Many of them plan to bring their children.
"We've also heard from a number of C-list celebrities like Vanessa Hudgens, who wants to attend even though she doesn't have children," said Ms. Long. "Vanessa sent us an email pointing out that you don't have to have kids to enjoy being naked."
For their part Los Angeles police have vowed to arrest anyone who violates the city's dress codes. That includes members of both MUFF and BALD (Bare-Assed, Loud, and Daring), an ACT-UP style pro-nudity group that plans to bare it all for Britney's sake on Saturday. Unlike MUFF, however, BALD does not respect age or common decency when it comes to going nude.
"We don't draw any chicken-shit lines," said Marlo Sutphen, recording secretary for BALD.
"Boundaries are for chumps. We think Britney should go around naked in front of her kids no matter how old they are if she wants to. Anyone can flash a little booty in front of a two-year-old, but greeting your daughter's prom date in the raw, that takes courage. My daughter still hasn't spoken to me since I did that, and her goddamn prom was in May."
In related news, Mothers Undressed in Freedom Forever says it expects a surprise guest at this Saturday's demonstration, but group president, Cynthia Long, would not comment on rumors that the surprise guest may be Britney Spears herself.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
