Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
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The Fuck It List
Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night
3. Seat Belts
4. FOX Fucking News
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. Picking Up Pills That You Drop
7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
8. Talking Baby Talk to Children
9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly
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LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears fans will stage a nude protest rally in front of the Staples Center this Saturday in support of "every mother's right" to go naked around her children.
The rally, which kicks off at noon, is sponsored by MUFF (Mothers Undressed in Freedom Forever), a pro-home-nudity group that counts many Britney Spears fans among its members.
Although MUFF was denied a demonstration permit by the City of Los Angeles, MUFF president, Cynthia Long, said her group was prepared to go to jail to show its support for Ms. Spears.
"I have two little boys about the same ages as Britney's, and I'm always getting naked in front of them," said Ms. Long, 28. "I mean, I'd look pretty stupid wearing clothes when we jump in the bath tub together.
"The establishment wants to take Britney down, but they've gone too far this time," said Ms. Long. "Britney doesn't need some judge to tell her what she can and can't wear in her own house. I could understand if Britney's kids were, like, eleven and twelve, maybe, but at their age? Is the judge afraid they're going to go blind or what?"
According to Ms. Long, MUFF expects several hundred members from the West Coast to attend Saturday's rally. Many of them plan to bring their children.
"We've also heard from a number of C-list celebrities like Vanessa Hudgens, who wants to attend even though she doesn't have children," said Ms. Long. "Vanessa sent us an email pointing out that you don't have to have kids to enjoy being naked."
For their part Los Angeles police have vowed to arrest anyone who violates the city's dress codes. That includes members of both MUFF and BALD (Bare-Assed, Loud, and Daring), an ACT-UP style pro-nudity group that plans to bare it all for Britney's sake on Saturday. Unlike MUFF, however, BALD does not respect age or common decency when it comes to going nude.
"We don't draw any chicken-shit lines," said Marlo Sutphen, recording secretary for BALD.
"Boundaries are for chumps. We think Britney should go around naked in front of her kids no matter how old they are if she wants to. Anyone can flash a little booty in front of a two-year-old, but greeting your daughter's prom date in the raw, that takes courage. My daughter still hasn't spoken to me since I did that, and her goddamn prom was in May."
In related news, Mothers Undressed in Freedom Forever says it expects a surprise guest at this Saturday's demonstration, but group president, Cynthia Long, would not comment on rumors that the surprise guest may be Britney Spears herself.