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Bush Regime Triggers Legalized Gay Marriage in Iraq
Oct 1, 2006, 09:10
BAGHDAD - In a ruling that caught the Bush administration with its pants down, the newly formed Federal Supreme Court of Iraq voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage for all Iraqi citizens. The court's 13-0 decision paved the way for the legal recognition of same-sex marriages beginning October 2, 2006.
"Ever since the U.S. invaded and occupied our country, no one in Iraq has been able to get married," reports Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. "We had to do something to save the very order and fabric of our society."
According to Al-Maliki, Islamic marriage law decrees that a man must pay a dowry (mahr) to the woman he intends to marry. That mahr then becomes her personal property.
"When the U.S. occupied Iraq," said Al-Maliki, "every man able to provide mahr fled the country. The only men remaining have no hopes of being able to marry a woman—especially with the 70 percent unemployment rate due to the occupation. But now that we're a democracy, the prospect of same-sex marriage has given hope to millions of Iraqis."
Qudumah Al-Nedjari, a 27 year-old unemployed electrician, embraces the idea of gay marriage.
"Under Saddam Hussein, I had a great job and was engaged to be married. But my fiancé was killed during Operation Iraqi Freedom, and there has been no work since then. I have no hope of providing mahr to a woman."
Al-Nedjari drew a deep breath and continued.
"Now that George Bush has brought democracy to Iraq, I'm engaged to my best friend, Mustafa. I'm not gay or anything, and especially don't like being on the 'bottom bunk' when we have sex, but at least I won't be alone."
Mustafa Abd-al-Hadi is also enthused over the prospect of marrying Al-Nedjari.
"We've been best friends since childhood. Sure, I'd like to marry a woman, but that's just not possible anymore under the Bush regime."
He pauses and gives Al-Nedjari a peck on the cheek. "I'm sure we can work things out."
The new marriage laws also benefit Iraqi women.
"The U.S. military took my husband to Abu-Ghraib three years ago and he's presumed dead," reports Dima Yusriyya, a 32-year-old widow. "The Qu'ran forbids me to marry without mahr, but there are no men left who can provide that. Luckily, women aren't under such obligations, so I'm marrying my sister-in-law, Salwa, next week."
"Eighty-five percent of single Iraqis are expected to enter into same-sex marriages within a year," said Prime Minister Al-Maliki, citing a recent poll result. "George Bush has truly brought new hope and vibrancy to our people through the spread of democracy."
Wiping a tear from his eye, Al-Maliki said, "God bless America!"
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
