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RIAA Sends Message to Native American Single Mothers of Two
Oct 5, 2007, 15:31
DULUTH, Minn. - The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out copyright infringement by Native American single mothers of two children.
Jammie Thomas, 30, who was found guilty of "musical terrorism" related to alleged online music-sharing activities, now owes the RIAA $222,000 for making twenty-four songs, including Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery,' available to others via the file sharing network Kazaa. That works out to $9,167 per song or $110,000 per twelve-song CD.
"This verdict sends a message to all Native American single mothers who flout the law," said the RIAA's lead attorney, Richard Gabriel. "No cohort, no matter how small, marginally employed, or strapped for cash, is safe."
Speaking on the courthouse steps following the verdict, Ms. Thomas maintained that she was innocent of all charges.
"Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery?'" she laughed. "Give me a break. They must have planted that one on my hard drive."
Ms. Thomas' attorney, Richard Bratton, said he planned to appeal the decision.
"This case is a long way from being decided," he said. "By the time this one makes its way through the courts, the price of a CD may well be $110,000."
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
