Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Radio Station Urges Bruce Springsteen Fans to Burn His CDs
Oct 7, 2007, 14:18
"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."
PHILADELPHIA – Classic-rock station WOLD in Philadelphia is urging Bruce Springsteen fans to meet in the station’s parking lot on City Line Avenue this Saturday at 10:00 a.m. and to bring their Springsteen CDs with them.
“We’re going to torch those suckers to send a message to The Boss,” said Chip Delaney, one half of the popular Chip & Dip morning drive time show on WOLD.
Like many Springsteen fans, Mr. Delaney was gobsmacked to learn that his idol is being sued by a former member of the United States Olympic Equestrian Team for reneging on a deal to buy an $850,000 show horse for Mr. Springsteen’s fifteen-year-old daughter, Jessica.
Mr. Delaney isn’t disappointed that Mr. Springsteen allegedly backed out of a contract. The disk jockey is off his feed because Mr. Springsteen not only goes to horse shows but also spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on horses.
“He already owns one frickin’ horse valued at $200,000,” said Mr. Delaney, “and we’re supposed to believe this guy is one of us? Champion of the common man my ass. I got my daughter an iPod for her birthday.”
Longtime Springsteen fan Tank Lionetti, an unemployed sheet metal worker, echoed Mr. Delaney’s dismay.
“Eight hundred and fifty grand for a horse? Are you kiddin' me? Goddamn horse must be better looking than his wife. Maybe she didn't want him to buy it because she was jealous.”
In related news, WOLD is offering two free tickets to a Van Halen concert to the listener who comes up with the best rewrite of a Bruce Springsteen lyric that incorporates a horse-showing theme.
"'Had a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack, went out to buy a horse and never came back,' something along that line," said Mr. Delaney.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
