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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Ann Coulter, Bill Maher Sex Video Leaked on Web
Oct 13, 2007 - 1:33
an image
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Political commentator and steamy, right-wing sex goddess Ann Coulter has never been loath to use her sexuality or her tongue to sell books.

She has called John Edwards a faggot, insinuated that Hillary Clinton is a "flabby-ass dyke," suggested that widows of 9/11 victims "would go without panties to their daughters' first communions if it meant extending their fifteen minutes of fame," and called for the immediate conversion of all "bagel eaters" to Christianity.

Ms. Coulter has also appeared nude in Esquire and the NRA Journal, but even her most devout fans are wondering if she has finally gone too far.

What has Ms. Coulter's followers in a fit is a sex video starring her, Bill Maher, and a life-size cardboard cutout of Tucker Carlson. The half-hour video, entitled How to Have Sex with a Liberal (If You Must), was leaked to THEM Weekly magazine, which, after several viewings, has vouched for its authenticity, "especially that of Tucker Carlson."

In the video a surprisingly athletic Ms. Coulter and an obviously wasted Mr. Maher play a sexually charged version of "New Rules," the popular segment that closes Mr. Maher's HBO series, Real Time with Bill Maher. The likeness of Mr. Carlson apparently plays no role in the proceedings apart from standing around and looking supercilious.

Ms. Coulter's new rules for making love to a liberal require Mr. Maher, who is half Jewish, to repeat liberal-bashing statements in order to win sexual favors from Ms. Coulter. Repeating "Jeanine Garofalo is an ugly crack whore," for example, earned Mr. Maher one-minute of tonsil hockey.

Gradually, the statements Mr. Maher is obliged to repeat grow more outrageous until, in the video's climax, Ms. Coulter, who is dressed in black leather dominatrix drag, cracks a whip and flicks cigarette ashes on Mr. Maher while demanding that he shout, "Rudy Giuliani will make the best successor to George W. Bush, the greatest president of the twenty-first century."

After Mr. Maher complies, Ms. Coulter removes her leather studded thong, tosses it over the Tucker Carlson cutout, and exhorts Mr. Maher to "use me like I'm your favorite hookah."

As the couple thrashes about on a waterbed covered with a gigantic American flag like a pair of randy delegates at a GOP convention, the West Point marching band plays a rousing version of Lee Greenwood's "I'm Proud to Be an American" in the background.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
image of a sons of anarchy emblem on a motorcycle jacket
Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby

American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it