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Paul McCartney Hit with New Abuse Charges from Heather Mills
Oct 19, 2006, 08:33
LONDON - Disturbing new charges of mental and emotional abuse have been leveled at Paul McCartney by his estranged second wife, Heather Mills. The charges were contained in an addendum to a thirteen-page court document filed previously by Ms. Mills, said London's Daily Mail.
A copy of the original document was faxed to news organizations by an anonymous source Tuesday night. Details of the addendum were leaked to the Daily Mail yesterday.
In the original thirteen-page document Ms. Mills claimed that Mr. McCartney had forced her to cancel a crucial operation on her short leg because the operation would have interfered with his planned vacation in Amsterdam. Ms. Mills also charged that Mr. McCartney had refused to let her keep a bedpan by the side of the bed to save her crawling to the loo at night.
"I don't want that stinking thing in here because it makes the bedroom smell like a f*ck*ng old woman's home," Mr. McCartney is alleged to have said when Ms. Mills pleaded with him to let her use the bedpan.
Ms. Mills also claimed in her original document that Mr. McCartney had forced her to crawl up the steps of a plane that were not wide enough to accommodate her wheelchair.
"When I asked him to carry me up the steps, he laughed and said, 'I'm not hauling your fat ass up those steps; what do I look like, a goddamn Paki?'"
Ms. Mills further alleged that Mr. McCartney had forbidden her to breast-feed their daughter, Beatrice.
"They're my breasts," Mr. McCartney is reputed to have said. "I don't want to gag on a mouthful of breast milk when I'm sucking titty."
As troubling as these revelations are, Ms. Mills' new allegations play even greater havoc with Mr. McCartney's reputation. Instead of a cuddly duffer whose chief vices are weed, wine, and writing treacly pop songs, Mr. McCartney emerges as the second coming of Scrooge—a controlling, insecure monster, envious of other musicians and given to fits of near psychotic pomposity.
According to Ms. Mills, Mr. McCartney bore an intense resentment toward his former song-writing partner John Lennon. Ms. Mills charged that Mr. McCartney flew into a rage when he found her listening to Mr. Lennon's Working Class Hero CD.
"I don't ever want to hear that c*unt's music in my house again," Mr. McCartney allegedly screamed. "He was shite, you hear? Shite. I carried him while the Beatles were together. I carried the other Beatles too."
Mr. McCartney then subjected Ms. Mills to a "painfully loud" ten-minute imitation of Yoko Ono singing.
Ms. Mills also maintained in her new allegations that Mr.McCartney badgered her into wearing his first wife's underwear when they made love; he once hid Ms. Mills' prosthetic leg in the wood pile outside the guest house on their contry estate; and he insisted on using her handicapped parking sticker even when he was driving by himself.
"One day he came home drunk, laughing about taking the last handicapped parking space in a crowed car park during a rain storm," said Ms. Mills.
The charges against Mr. McCartney have been difficult for his fans to accept. One fifty-something woman in a North London record shop said, "It's bad enough he made his wife crawl to the toilet, but I'm shocked by his language. Such filth. Did he write "Michelle" with that mouth?"
In other news, Whitney Houston filed divorce papers in Orange County, California, Superior Court this week. Ms. Houston alleged that her husband of fourteen years, Bobby Brown, refused to let her keep a propane tank next to their bed.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
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