You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Angelina Jolie Wants to Adopt Basenji Next
Oct 29, 2005, 09:56
NEW YORK - Adoptive mother Angelina Jolie paid a surprise visit to the ASPCA shelter yesterday. She was there, she told shelter employees, because she wanted to adopt a basenji, an African breed noted for its intelligence.
Unfortunately, the shelter did not have any basenjis available. Nevertheless Ms. Jolie spent three hours being fingerprinted, answering questions, and filling out preadoption paperwork.
"We don't get many calls for basenjis," said shelter adoption counselor Angela McClusky, who explained that Ms. Jolie will be put on a waiting list "until we've had a chance to inspect her financial records and, of course, pending the results of her drug test. We won't be cutting her any slack just because she's a celebrity."
At a press conference following her visit to the shelter, Ms. Jolie told reporters, "Adopting a dog in New York is more difficult than adopting a child in a Third World country. No matter, I think it would be nice to get Zahara a puppy from her home continent."
Asked if she planned to acquire a puppy for her adopted four-year-old son Maddox, who was born in Cambodia, Ms. Jolie replied, "We've already introduced small amounts of canine meat into his diet, so we might wait until he's old enough to understand that not all dogs are for eating."
Ms. Jolie bristled when a reporter asked if she didn't think it was unusual to feed a child dog meat.
"It's important for children to eat holistically," she said. "I suppose you'd also find it odd if I told you that Zahara thrives on locusts and tree bark."
Next Oprah: The Truth Behind Those Paris Hilton Port-a-Potty Rumors
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
