Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Rush Limbaugh Accuses Dixie Chicks of Lip Synching
Oct 29, 2006, 10:37
NEW YORK - Conservative talk show diva Rush Limbaugh has accused the Dixie Chicks of lip synching "every damn one of their stupid songs" on their Accidents and Accusations tour, which continues at Toronto's Air Canada Centre tonight.
Mr. Limbaugh leveled this charge Friday on his nationally syndicated talk show, just three days after he had accused retired actor Michael J. Fox of faking his Parkinson's symptoms during a television commercial in support of stem cell research.
"What the Dixie Chicks are doing is even more reprehensible than Mikey's act," shouted Mr. Limbaugh. "At least nobody who saw Mr. Fox doing his whole-lotta-shakin' routine had to pay for the privilege.
"The Dixie Chicks, on the other hand, are fleecing their fellow travelers who spend good money to see them, thinking that the 'ladies' are going to perform live. Instead what those poor suckers in the audience get is a female version of Milli Vanilli, but without the good hair."
Although Mr. Limbaugh said he hadn't attended any of the shows on the Dixie Chicks' current tour—"and I sure as hell don't plan to"—he knows some people "who had the misfortune to attend."
What's more, said Mr. Limbaugh, "I have seen a few clips from the tour on YouTube, and it doesn't take a musicologist to see that the Dixie Chicks have about as much control over their lips as little Mikey Fox has over his extremities. It's obvious that the Chicks are lip synching."
In addition to charging the Dixie Chicks with faking their performances, Mr. Limbaugh claimed that sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire had faked infertility problems "just so they could write a dumb song about female plumbing ('It's So Hard When It Doesn't Come Easy')."
"Hell," laughed Mr. Limbaugh, "I'll bet those girls even fake their orgasms. They remind me of the old joke about why God gave women two sets of lips—so they can piss and moan at the same time."
Dixie Chicks' lead singer, Natalie Maines, was the only member of the group willing to comment on the record about Mr. Limbaugh's accusation.
"Consider the source," said Ms. Maines, "a fat shit who can't get it up without chemical assistance."
In related news, President Bush opened his weekly radio address to the nation yesterday by observing, "Just so you know, I'm ashamed the Dixie Chicks are from Texas, heh-heh-heh."
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
