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Your sex life is a shareware program about to expire. One-size-fits-all gloves don't come in your size. If dreams took human form, yours would be wearing toe tags. The planets, the traffic lights, even the local Girl Scout troop will line up against you. Have you insulted one of the mothers of the gods recently or what?

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Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Neil Patrick Harris Says Doogie Howser Was Gay, Too
Nov 4, 2006 - 12:46
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NEW YORK - Neil Patrick Harris let both Bruno Maglis drop in a recent interview with People magazine. The boyish-looking thirty-three-year-old actor revealed not only that he is gay but also that Doogie Howser, M.D., the kid-genius he played in the television series of the same name, was gay.

"Doogie and I realized our sexual preferences were evolving at about the same time," said Mr. Harris. "That would have been when Doogie lost his virginity to his girlfriend, Wanda, in the first episode of season 3 (September 25, 1991).

When Doogie 'wrote' in his journal at the end of that episode, what he actually said was, 'The entire time I was with Wanda, I couldn't stop thinking about Vinnie (Delpino, Doogie's best friend and eventual roommate in the series). I kept seeing Vinnie's lips and Vinnie's ass. That's why I insisted on doing it doggie style with Wanda the second time—so I could pretend she was Vinnie."

That journal entry was revised by the show's editorial content advisory board, Mr. Harris told People; but throughout the last two seasons of Doogie Howser, M.D., Mr. Harris fought with the show's creator, Stephen Bochco, to let Doogie explore his sexuality in a realistic fashion. Mr. Bocho wouldn't hear of it, choosing instead to pull the plug on the show in 1993 after only four seasons.

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"Stephen kept hooking Doogie up with one beard after another—a model who couldn't keep her clothes on, a deaf girl with a positive attitude, his mom's boss, a couple of nurses, even his old babysitter. At the end of every show where Doogie was 'involved' with a woman, I'd have him write outrageously gay things in his journal, but they were always censored."

Mr. Harris' twin revelations to People came just two days after his publicist had issued a statement saying the actor is "not of that persuasion." That denial was hardly convincing said Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight, who recently admitted to being gay.

"All my gay friends and I just knew Doogie was a friend of Dorothy's," laughed Mr. Knight, 33. "That show was so camp, honey, and the 'love' scenes! What a hoot. It was obvious that Doogie would have much preferred grabbing Vinnie's crotch than those bimbos' he was dating. And did you notice how Doogie had a habit of dangling one sneaker all the time? That's like code for totally gay foot fetish."



Next Oprah: Do gay men make better doctors?


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Yesterday's Papers
photo of Henry VIII of England

We have all heard the jokes about Henry 8 of England beheading his wives because he was looking for a little different head himself. If our knowledge of Hammerin' Hank stopped there, however, our lives would be the poorer. Henry the Swordsman and his wives, their families, lovers, ex-husbands, ladies in waiting, and ladies in heat (many of whom were the king's mistresses) constituted a cluster-fuck version of Camelot because they certainly came a lot.

1. Catherine of Aragon, the __________ (first, last, second-from-the-right) wife of Henry 8 was previously married to Henry's __________ (brother, son, agent).

2. Catherine claimed that her first marriage had never been __________ ("well and truly blessed," conducted in Latin, "well and truly consummated").

3. When Catherine and Henry 8 were betrothed, Henry was too young to __________ (marry; drive a carriage alone after dark; sit his O levels).

4. Some historians claim that Henry's second wife, Anne Boleyn, had __________ (a sixth finger, a third nipple, bleeding hemorrhoids).

5. The Rolling Stones song __________ ("Under My Thumb," "Bitch," "Brown Sugar") was written about Henry's fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves.

6. The only one of Henry's wives to be buried with him was __________ (Catherine Parr, Jane Seymour, neither of the above).

7. Henry 8 referred to Anne of Cleeves as __________ (a Flanders mare, one gassy old cow, a dyke in a blanket).

8. When Kathryn Howard, 19, married Henry, 49, she was __________ (no longer even pretending to be a virgin; sleeping with her stable boy and his cousin; dyslexic).

9. Henry, meanwhile, was losing __________ (his hair, mind, ability to maintain an erection).

10. Henry's last wife, Catherine Parr, was named after __________ (Henry's first wife; her father's favorite hunting dog, "Old Parr"; herself).

11. When Henry 8 died in 1547 at the age of fifty-five, he __________ (weighed 420 pounds; had lost all feeling in his left leg; couldn't remember the names of any of his wives).

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