You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Prince Harry, Chelsy Davy Breakup Quiz
Nov 12, 2007, 13:47
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Royal watchers have been off their HP Sauce since British tabloids began reporting over the weekend that Prince Harry and his current amuse-bouche, Chelsy Davy, have come a cropper—or cropped a comer, as the case may be.
According to friends of the couple, Ms. Davy, 22, informed His Gingerness via text message on Friday that she was fed up to her bum with life in the royal fishbowl (and she wasn't that impressed with the royal box, either). She plans to return to her native Zimbabwe to help her father with his safari business.
Harry is alleged to have taken the news sitting down in an upmarket London pub, where the twenty-three-year-old prince was spotted Friday night. Before he had to be helped to his limousine, Harry had run up a $10,000 bar bill, most of which was spent on pork scratchings, champagne, and a series of torrid lap dances.
As always, Postcards from the Pug Bus is committed to bringing you not only the latest news regarding Harry and Chelsy but also the latest unsubstantiated rumors about the couple. In the meantime, we present the following Harry and Chelsy Breakup Quiz for your self-gratification and enjoyment.
You can take the girl out of Zimbabwe . . ..
1. Harry and Chelsy have been dating since they met at . . . a) a canned hunt in Zimbabwe, b) a Nazi memorabilia collector's flea market, c) a tanning salon in London, 4) eHarmony.
2. Instead of attending Chelsy's twenty-second birthday party last month, Prince Harry went to a . . . in Paris. a) rugby match, b) bum-fighting match, c) live sex show, d) cosmetic surgeon.
3. Prince Harry, an officer with the Blues Clues Royal Regiment, had hoped to see military action in . . . a) Ireland, b) Chatsworth Estates, c) Iraq, d) Balmoral Castle.
4. Chelsy Davy was . . . when she and Prince Harry first had sex. a) not a virgin, b) passed out in her own sick, c) unable to stop laughing, d) grievously disappointed.
5. Ms. Davy had moved to Leeds earlier this year in order to be closer to Harry and to study . . . a) law, b) aroma therapy, c) fashion design, d) train schedules between Leeds and London.
Bonus Question: Chelsy Davy complained to friends that . . . was too cold. a) her flat, b) the Queen Mum, c) Harry's knob, d) the shepherd's pie in the university kitchen.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
