You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Nicole Richie Writes Book, Vows to Read One Next
Nov 16, 2005, 05:48
HOLLYWOOD - Having had the pleasure of seeing The Truth About Diamonds, her first book, published, Nicole Richie told US Weekly that now that she understands "how books are made" she is less intimidated by them and "definitely" plans to read one soon.
"I always thought people who wrote books were like supersmart," said Richie before a book signing party at the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas. "So I figured you had to be supersmart to read books, too; but now that I've written one, I know better."
Richie's maiden effort is a roman a clef about a popular Hollywood socialite named Chloe Parker, who is the adopted daughter of a glamorous woman and her washed-up-music-star husband, whose career died of embarrassment after his wife found him with another woman and kicked his butt.
Chloe Parker does copious quantities of drugs, runs with a posse of wealthy brats, parties hardy at all the hottest nightclubs, goes into rehab, and loses an alarming amount of weight. She also stars in a reality series with a vapid friend, who quickly turns into an enemy and starts pestering her with crank phone calls.
Asked if this plot was autobiographical, Richie, 24, smiled and replied, "Of course. Who else's autobiography was I going to write?"
Having written a book, Nicole says she is no longer afraid to read one.
In other news . . .
Phone Sex Spreads among College Students
MILLERSVILLE, Penna. - According to the dean of the college of education of Millersville University, we can add sex to the burgeoning list of activities that students engage in while talking on their cell phones.
"We're used to seeing students talking on their cell phones while walking across campus, doing research in the library, and eating in the cafeteria," said Dean Kenyata Miller, "but the phenomenon of talking on the phone while engaging in sex is a disturbing trend. It suggests a fear of intimacy and an unhealthy reliance on peer approval."
Denise Miller, an elementary education major, disagrees.
"I don't think sex is anything to be ashamed of," said Miller. "It's something beautiful that I want to share with my friends, like telling them about a new CD or a movie I enjoyed. Besides, if I call my roommate to tell her I'm having sex right now, it avoids the embarrassing possibility of her walking in on us."
Harlan Miller, coach of the men's basketball team, warns that students who use their cell phones to film themselves while having sex "run the risk of overexposure."
A substitute power forward on Millersville's team found this out the hard way when he accidentally hit the "send to all" button on his Sony Ericsson S710a and e-mailed a photo of his encounter to everyone in his address book, including his parents, girlfriend, and academic advisor.
Next Oprah: How to Publish Your Own Book
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
