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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

image of a gun

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Paris Hilton's Monkey Goes Ape
Nov 16, 2005 - 6:36
an image
Paris and Baby Luv seconds before the vicious attack.
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton went shopping for lingerie with Baby Luv, her pet kinkajou, last Saturday. As the pair entered Agent Provocateur, a designer boutique, Baby Luv flew into a rage, screaming at Hilton then biting her and clawing at her face.

"At first I thought it was Kevin Federline throwing another tantrum," said one of the fashion consultants at Agent Provocateur.

Hilton, 26, did not suffer any damage during the brief attack, but she did require treatment on the scene for second-degree make-up disturbance. Following treatment, she hooked the monkey to a leash, chained it to a cabinet, and proceeded with her shopping.

According to one of Hilton's assistants, Baby Luv became enraged when she discovered they weren't stopping at PetSmart first, as Hilton had promised.

Steve Irwin, the Croc Hunter, disagrees. "Kinkajous are nocturnal, like Hilton," he told the LA Times. "Baby Luv was probably cranky at being deprived of her daily sleep."

In other news . . .
Phone Sex Spreads among College Students
MILLERSVILLE, Penna. - According to the dean of the college of education of Millersville University, we can add sex to the burgeoning list of activities that students engage in while talking on their cell phones.

"We're used to seeing students talking on their cell phones while walking across campus, doing research in the library, and eating in the cafeteria," said Dean Kenyata Miller, "but the phenomenon of talking on a cell phone while engaging in sex is a disturbing trend. It suggests a fear of intimacy and an unhealthy reliance on peer approval."

Denise Miller, an elementary education major, disagrees.

"I don't think sex is anything to be ashamed of," said Miller. "It's something beautiful that I want to share with my friends, like telling them about a new CD or a movie I enjoyed. Besides, if I call my roommate to tell her I'm having sex right now, it avoids the embarrassing possibility of her walking in on us."

Harlan Miller, coach of the men's basketball team, warns that students who used their cell phones to film themselves while having sex "run the risk of overexposure." According to Miller, a substitute power forward on his team accidentally hit the "send to all" button on his Sony Ericsson S710a and e-mailed a photo of his encounter to everyone in his address book, including his parents, girlfriend, and academic advisor.

Next Oprah: What Our Pets Tell Us about Our Sexuality

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
image of a sons of anarchy emblem on a motorcycle jacket
Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby

American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it