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The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
President Bush Will Pardon Thanksgiving Tofurky
Nov 19, 2007, 11:06
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush will pardon the National Thanksgiving Tofurky in a ceremony to be televised tomorrow from the White House lawn.
By pardoning the tofurky—which is made from a blend of wheat gluten, tofu, soy by-products, bran flakes, and "real turkey flavor"—the president hopes to demonstrate his commitment to the fight against global warming.
"Tofurkys are raised organically on free-range, solar-powered farms where they are able to reproduce naturally," said President Bush in a prepared statement.
"There's less waste in producing a tofurky and less waste in consuming one," continued the president, who revealed that his favorite part of the tofurky is the pope's nose.
Following tomorrow's ceremony Feathers, this year's national Thanksgiving tofurky, will be sent to the Smithsonian Institute. There it will be polyurethaned and used as a doorstop.
In related news, President Bush declined a request to pardon a turducken, a novelty foodstuff in which a chicken is crammed inside a duck, which, in turn, is crammed inside a turkey.
"The Bible warns us against genetic engineering," said the president. "Besides, how did the chicken get inside the duck in the first place? The Bible also warns us against sodomy, you know."
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
