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Hayden Panettiere Obsessed with Angelina Jolie
Nov 27, 2007, 11:07
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Hayden Panettiere has her oil checked by a member of her entourage.
LOS ANGELES - Heroes star Hayden Panettiere, 18, confessed to GQ magazine that she "like totally wishes" she were a lesbian so she could do the reverse horizontal bop with Angelina Jolie.

The bodacious and barely legal Ms. Panettiere—GQ's 2007 Obsession of the Year—said she didn't mind rumors that she preferred tuna tacos to corn dogs.

"If you want to make me out to be a lesbian, that's cool," said Ms. Panettiere, who plays indestructible cheerleader Claire Bennet on Heroes.

"I've never told this to anyone before, but I've always gotten hot flashes over Angelina Jolie. Every time I read an article about her wanting to adopt another child, I begin lactating."

Ms. Panettiere said she would also like "to get next to" Oscar winner Charlize Theron—not the cute, antiseptic Stella Bridger of Italian Job but the rough-in-the-muff Aileen Wuornos of Monster.

"I've worn out a DVD and two vibrators watching Monster," laughed Ms. Panettiere. "I could so love getting nasty with Aileen. Chicks with dirt under their fingernails float my boat."


In related news, neither Angelina Jolie nor Charlize Theron responded to our request for an interview, but a spokeswoman for Ms. Jolie acknowledged that Ms. Panettiere "has been texting Angie quite a lot here lately. Angie never watches television, and she doesn't know who Hayden Panettiere is."

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.