Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Britney Spears Joins Drunks Against Mad Mothers Group
Dec 3, 2007, 14:25
LOS ANGELES – After attending several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), Britney Spears has decided to join the group, a former assistant revealed.
Headquartered somewhere in the Alabama district of Pennsylvania—the part between Philadelphia at one end of the state and Pittsburgh at the other—DAMM of Pennsylvania admits to a "three-fold mission: to get mad mothers to stay at home cooking and cleaning where they belong, to stop people from drinking and driving because they might spill some, and to prevent incidental alcohol abuse such as returning the keg before it's been emptied."
Ms. Spears initially met members of DAMM when she visited Philadelphia two years "to see where Congress lives," only to learn that Philadelphia is not the capital of the United States. Nevertheless she kept in touch with her DAMM friends, and when the drinking-support group opened a satellite branch in L.A., she was happy to lend her presence.
"Britney's real people," laughs Willow, a DAMM of Los Angeles member.
"When she came to the first meeting, she didn't put on any airs. She got right up in front of the group, just like everyone else, and said, 'My name is Britney. Does anybody feel like getting shitfaced?' She wasn't too proud to ask just because she's a star.
"At DAMM we're always here for one another, 24/7," Willow continued. "DAMN means never having to drink alone, ever, unless you want to. I've gotten out of bed at three in the morning and gone to drink with a DAMM member when I should have been going home instead. I think that's the kind of member Britney's going to be."
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
