You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Britney Spears Joins Drunks Against Mad Mothers Group
Dec 3, 2007, 14:25
LOS ANGELES - After attending several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), Britney Spears has decided to join the group, a former assistant revealed.
In an exclusive, off-the-record conversation with THEM Weekly, the one-time aide said that Ms. Spears has met with the group three or four times "in a couple of clubs near the Sierra Towers," where she has rented an apartment under the name Grace Slyck.
Headquartered somewhere in the Alabama district of Pennsylvania—the part between Philadelphia at one end of the state and Pittsburgh at the other—DAMM of Pennsylvania admits to a "three-fold mission: to get mad mothers to stay at home cooking and cleaning where they belong, to stop people from drinking and driving because they might spill some, and to prevent incidental alcohol abuse such as returning the keg before it's been emptied."
Ms. Spears initially met members of DAMM when she visited Philadelphia two years "to see where Congress lives," only to learn that Philadelphia is not the capital of the United States. Nevertheless she kept in touch with her DAMM friends, and when the drinking-support group opened a satellite branch in L.A., she was happy to lend her presence.
"Britney's real people," laughs Willow, a DAMM of Los Angeles member.
"When she came to the first meeting, she didn't put on any airs. She got right up in front of the group, just like everyone else, and said, 'My name is Britney. Does anybody feel like getting shitfaced?' She wasn't too proud to ask just because she's a star.
"At DAMM we're always here for one another, 24/7," Willow continued. "DAMN means never having to drink alone, ever, unless you want to. I've gotten out of bed at three in the morning and gone to drink with a DAMM member when I should have been going home instead. I think that's the kind of member Britney's going to be."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
