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Wesley Snipes Launches Tax Advice Website
Dec 9, 2006, 10:30
OCALA, Fla. - Wesley Snipes talked briefly with reporters yesterday after leaving the courthouse where he had just pleaded not guilty to eight counts of federal income tax fraud.
The star of Jungle Fever and other films said that he was so certain of prevailing "in the face of these racially motivated charges" that he was launching a tax-advisory website to enable "the little guy" to employ the same tax-filing strategies that have saved Mr. Snipes millions of dollars during the last ten years.
Mr. Snipes, 44, who is free on $1 million bond, calls his new website screw.the.irs.org. Available by subscription only—registration fee $199.99 annually—screw.the.irs.org is, according to Mr. Snipes, "full of the kind of advice the government doesn't want you to know—advice that will save you from having your hard-earned money confiscated by the IRS."
Although Mr. Snipes claimed that he didn't want to give out "too many free tastes," he implied that his "proven methods" are based on the theories of tax expert Eddie Ray Kahn, founder of American Rights Litigators in 1996, an organization that was reborn as Guiding Light of God Ministries in 2003.
Them Weekly has learned that one of Mr. Kahn's pivotal tax strategies is his belief that the 16th Amendment, which established the income tax, was never properly ratified after its passage in 1909. He also contends that states are sovereign entities beyond the scope of the IRS, which has the authority to collect taxes only in the District of Columbia.
Applying these and other "little-known" tax law theories, Mr. Snipes submitted "bills of exchange" as proof that he had paid unspecified taxes in 1996-97, thereby earning a $12 million refund from the IRS for those two years.
Mr. Snipes also signed an affidavit of incompetence in which he claimed he did not understand tax laws or know whether they applied to him. This move was part of a strategy that enabled him to avoid having to file any tax returns at all since 1999.
After speaking to reporters outside the court house, Mr. Snipes left for an undisclosed location. He will return to Namibia soon to complete filming Gallow Walker. He must be back in the United States on or before January 10 to surrender his passport.
In other news, President George W. Bush assailed The Recording Academy for sending the wrong message to our troops by nominating the Dixie Chicks for five Grammy awards.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
