Home   Ass Hat Awards   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   Contact
Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
More Horoscopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
screw the riaaStrike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.



Humor Feed Banner
 
RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use
Dec 12, 2007, 09:39
an image
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as "the single greatest secret threat" to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home.

RIAA President Mitch Brainwell explained the reasoning behind this suggestion at a press conference yesterday.

"Before the introduction of the CD twenty-five years ago, record buyers had to replace their favorite vinyl albums because they became scratched and ultimately unlistenable after repeated use. People also had to replace their favorite cassette tapes, which could be depended on to lose tonal quality over time or to self-destruct when played in automobiles.

"As a result, record companies could rely on repeat album sales to boost their profits. For example, as many as one quarter of the sales of Michael Jackson's Thriller album are estimated to have been repeat sales."

CDs, on the other hand, are impervious to normal wear and tear—and because they're too small to be used for cleaning marijuana, fewer beers or loads of bong water are spilled on them. Therefore, profits from repeat purchases have been reduced drastically.

In order to remedy this loss, the RIAA is urging its member groups to add new digital rights management (DRM) software to their CDs. This software will limit the number of times a CD can be played.

Sony BMG is reportedly close to developing DRM software that prevents CDs from being played more than one hundred times. The software also prevents owners from copying a CD more than once. Furthermore, a copy must be made within the first five plays of a CD's "shelf life," and said copying will render the original CD unusable.

"We do not anticipate the one-hundred-play limit will be a burden to most customers," said Mr. Brainwell. "Many people complain that most CDs contain only three or four 'good' songs anyway, so the likelihood of playing a CD more than a hundred times is slim."

Consumer behavior research appears to support Mr. Brainwell's claim.

According to Chad Tanko, a television and entertainment industry analyst with Jupiter Research in New York, Rolling Stones CDs released during the last thirty years were played, on average, 9.75 times. Even CDs by artists favored by a younger demographic, Miley Cyrus for example, are rarely played more than twenty-seven times, much fewer by male purchasers.

Although prices of the new DRM-protected CDs will be steep, $22.95, Mr. Brainwell argues there is an "economy of scale" for people who play a CD a full one hundred times.

"That works out to two cents per song for a standard ten-song CD," he said. "That price is fair to music lovers as well as to corporations and artists."



Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.


top-of-page link  top of page  teensy, tiny image of stamped envelope  e-mail this article  teensy, tiny image of printer  printer friendly page


© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 

twitter icon for linking purposes
Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Joe Paterno image

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.