Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Tom Cruise Buys Katie Holmes Birthday Toys, Exclusive Pictures
Dec 19, 2005, 05:32
NEW YORK - What does an older man buy his trophy wife for her birthday? A gasoline-powered Audi Cabrio ride-on car, a giant piano, and a fifty-inch-high rocking horse from the FAO Schwarz toy store. Last Thursday, following a gala dinner at Chuck E. Cheese pizza, Tom Cruise took Katie Holmes to FAO Schwarz. There he treated his pregnant fiance to a birthday shopping spree.
Holmes turned twenty-seven chronologically on Sunday December 18, a birth date she shares with Brad Pitt, forty-two, and Christina Aguilera, twenty-five. A reporter from People magazine who was invited to cover the event said that Cruise wanted to celebrate Holmes' birthday early so as to "scoop" stories about Pitt's or Aguilera's birthday celebrations.
The puppet master and the birthday girl.
FAO Schwarz, a Fifth Avenue institution, was decorated with balloons tied to small white tiger dolls and seven-foot-tall stuffed giraffes when Cruise and his posse arrived at 9:30 p.m. He and Holmes headed straight for the store's giant piano. While Holmes giggled and squealed with delight, she and Cruise jumped up and down on the twenty-two-foot-long keyboard of the six-foot-high piano, banging out a crude version of Chopsticks. After Cruise had performed a few handstands while Holmes clapped excitedly, he told a Schwarz shopping consultant, "Wrap this up for my little girl."
Next the couple rode a pair of handcrafted rocking horses with genuine horsehair manes and tails, solid brass stirrups, removable English-style leather saddles, and suede saddle cloths. Cruise, an expert rocking horseman, bought a pair of the $6,000 horses and promised to teach Holmes how to ride "as soon as Little L. Ron is born."
Cruise, who does not allow Holmes to drive or go to the bathroom by herself now that she is pregnant, bought her a gasoline-powered Audi Cabrio that she can drive on the grounds of their estate. The $16,000 miniature car has an all-weather fiberglass body, rack-and-pinion steering, four-wheel disk brakes, and working horn, headlights, taillights, and turn signals. Its top speed is a maternity-safe 13 mph.
After visiting the dress-up-and-accessories department, the Cruise-Holmes party left FAO Schwarz at 11:30 to go skating in the sleet and rain at Central Park's Wollman Rink, where King Kong had skated with Naomi Watts. After half an hour of skating during which Cruise repeated thumped his chest and roared while Holmes screamed in fright, the couple returned to their hotel.
A spokesperson for FAO Schwarz told People that Cruise and Holmes could have slept in sleeping bags in the store's rec room if they had wanted to.
"That's part of the birthday-party package," the spokesperson said, "along with a continental breakfast and goody bags."
Next Oprah: Tom Cruise Jumps the Couch (Rerun)
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
