Search Caitlyn The World's First Transgender Search Engine
Your Daily Horoscope (Ramp Accessible)
Your sex life is a shareware program about to expire. One-size-fits-all gloves don't come in your size. If dreams took human form, yours would be wearing toe tags. The planets, the traffic lights, even the local Girl Scout troop will line up against you. Have you insulted one of the mothers of the gods recently or what?
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.>
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Strike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.
Sylvester Stallone Says God Wrote Rocky Dec 21, 2006 - 6:44
LOS ANGELES - Rocky Balboa climbing off the canvas. Jesus Christ climbing out of the tomb. Mere similarities with no causal connection? Not according to Sylvester Stallone, who told Christian leaders in a conference call yesterday that the six movies in the Rocky series are "the inspired word of God."
"Rocky is Jesus, fighting the devil, who cleverly disguises himself as a series of fighters from Apollo Creed (Rocky I) to Mason 'The Line' Dixon (Rocky VI)," Mr. Stallone told representatives of the Universal Religious Leadership Council (URLC).
"Jesus and Rocky are one of the little guys, and just like starting a new religion was a way for Jesus to make something of himself, boxing is Rocky's salvation. If they had boxing back in the day, Jesus would have been one of those great Jewish middleweights."
When one of the URLC members asked if god had written other films for Mr. Stallone, such as Rambo and Cliffhanger, the actor replied, "Nah. I wrote them when my marriage wasn't too good and I felt myself being seduced by all the temptations that Hollywood has to offer: the booze, the drugs, the broads."
Mr. Stallone told URLC members that he was first visited by god in the early morning hours of March 25, 1975, after watching the Muhammad Ali-Chuck Wepner fight on closed circuit television. Mr. Wepner, a liquor salesman from Bayonne, New Jersey, was given no chance against Mr. Ali; but Mr. Wepner fought valiantly—knocking Mr. Ali down in the ninth round. In fact Mr. Wepner nearly went the distance against the champ, but the fight was stopped with nineteen seconds to go in the fifteenth and final round after Mr. Wepner had lost two pints of blood and his sense of direction.
For the next three days and nights Mr. Stallone, then 28, could not eat or sleep: "I started writing the script for Rocky I, and I couldn't stop. It was like 'somebody else' was writing it. I could tell, you know, because I could spell words like courageous and determined that I had to look up when I was writing The Lords of Flatbush."
After finishing Rocky I, Mr. Stallone took his script to several studios. Those who were interested in the project wanted a major star to play Rocky, but Mr. Stallone insisted that he play the lead: "It was like a voice in my head was telling me that because god had written this script for me, I was the only one with the chops to play his son."
Mr. Stallone told representatives of the URLC that he believes "we need the God-fearing script, the script that really deals with compassion and deals with the word of Jesus and God. The last thing Rocky hears before he enters the ring in Rocky VI is scripture, and that's what gives him strength. People need to hear that sort of message."
Mr. Stallone concluded by saying that "some pretty unusual things" have been attributed to the 8-foot-6 bronze Rocky statue he commissioned for Rocky III (1982): "Like the other day this young dude from Manayunk, whose left leg is noticeably shorter than his right, was able to climb to the top of the statue and pose for a cell phone photo taken by a friend.
"If that don't prove somebody up there likes Rocky, I don't know what does," laughed Mr. Stallone.
We have all heard the jokes about Henry 8 of England beheading his wives because he was looking for a little different head himself. If our knowledge of Hammerin' Hank stopped there, however, our lives would be the poorer. Henry the Swordsman and his wives, their families, lovers, ex-husbands, ladies in waiting, and ladies in heat (many of whom were the king's mistresses) constituted a cluster-fuck version of Camelot because they certainly came a lot.
1. Catherine of Aragon, the __________ (first, last, second-from-the-right) wife of Henry 8 was previously married to Henry's __________ (brother, son, agent).
2. Catherine claimed that her first marriage had never been __________ ("well and truly blessed," conducted in Latin, "well and truly consummated").
3. When Catherine and Henry 8 were betrothed, Henry was too young to __________ (marry; drive a carriage alone after dark; sit his O levels).
4. Some historians claim that Henry's second wife, Anne Boleyn, had __________ (a sixth finger, a third nipple, bleeding hemorrhoids).
5. The Rolling Stones song __________ ("Under My Thumb," "Bitch," "Brown Sugar") was written about Henry's fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves.
6. The only one of Henry's wives to be buried with him was __________ (Catherine Parr, Jane Seymour, neither of the above).
7. Henry 8 referred to Anne of Cleeves as __________ (a Flanders mare, one gassy old cow, a dyke in a blanket).
8. When Kathryn Howard, 19, married Henry, 49, she was __________ (no longer even pretending to be a virgin; sleeping with her stable boy and his cousin; dyslexic).
9. Henry, meanwhile, was losing __________ (his hair, mind, ability to maintain an erection).
10. Henry's last wife, Catherine Parr, was named after __________ (Henry's first wife; her father's favorite hunting dog, "Old Parr"; herself).
11. When Henry 8 died in 1547 at the age of fifty-five, he __________ (weighed 420 pounds; had lost all feeling in his left leg; couldn't remember the names of any of his wives).