You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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Mischa Barton Claims She Was Smoking Medical Marijuana
Dec 28, 2007, 11:38
"It's always 4:20 somewhere."
LOS ANGELES - Mischa Barton, arrested early yesterday morning on suspicion of drunk driving, told reporters when she was released from jail later in the day that the weed found in the vehicle she had been driving is medical marijuana.
"I used to suffer from anxiety attacks," said the twenty-one-year-old English-American actress, best known for her portrayal of Marissa Cooper on Fox's defunct teen drama The O.C.
"The attacks got, like, so bad I totally couldn't leave my house some days. I had to send one of my maids or my driver to run errands for me or take Nicole (Richie) to the tanning salon."
"One toke over the line, Sweet Jesus, one toke over the line."
Ms. Barton was pulled over in the 900 block of North La Cienega Boulevard at 2:46 a.m. Thursday after Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies spotted the car she was driving straddling two traffic lanes. Deputies said Ms. Barton also failed to signal while making a turn, and she began giggling uncontrollably when the arresting officer asked to see her driver's license.
"The medical marijuana program changed my life," said Ms. Barton. "Now when I'm feeling a little weird, I spark up a phatty, and I'm good to go. Valid driver's license or not."
Ms. Barton was arrested after she had blown a field sobriety test and urinated on her yellow Crocs. Deputies also determined at that point that she was an unlicensed driver.
"Legalize it; don't criticize it."
"Don't let anxiety attacks or the paparazzi or the drizzling shits from chemotherapy harsh your mellow," said Ms. Barton. "If you've got it, smoke it; and if you want it, all you need is a note from a doctor."
In other news, C-SPAN and ETWN have announced that they will join CBS, NBC, the NFL Network, MSNBC, the Weather Channel, and the Home Entertainment Network in carrying tomorrow night's game between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
