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Deplorably Speaking: A Righteous Blog
Herein your fearless editor in briefs, who was deplorable long before deplorable was a meme, holds forth, but seldom holds his tongue, on a variety of topics ranging from the politicalization of sports to the emasculation of male college students to the idiocies of third-wave feminism to the reasons for (and implications of) the sudden prominence of white-interest™ movements to whatever fickles his nancy. You can check in any time you like as long as you're prepared to get deplorable.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.


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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Tara Reid Breast Implants Threaten Her Life
Dec 29, 2005 - 10:28
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MIAMI - Tara Reid, the once promising star of American Pie, is rumored to be at risk for Soy Oil Lachrymosis (SOL), a potentially life threatening condition that affects women who have had breast augmentation surgery. While her legions of horrified fans look on, Reid's mammary implants seem to be growing larger by the day. If her condition is not reversed, her life could be in danger.

"She ought to see a doctor soon, or at least a good body and fender shop," said Luis Alarcon, M.D., president and director of marketing for Soy You Want a Bigger Chest in Mexico City.

Although most women who have their breasts enlarged choose an adjustable saline pump model or a silicone grapefruit bag, Reid traveled to Mexico City last year to obtain the controversial soy bean oil implants because she "hated the thought of anything artificial in my body."

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Tara Reid 2000
Reid also liked the small computer chip routinely inserted with soy oil implants. The chip contains a person's medical history as well as her name, address, and phone number.

"The chip is so cool," said Reid. "If you can't find your way home, the cops can read the chip and know where to take you."

Soy bean oil implants were developed at Washington University in St. Louis in the early 1990s as an alternative to traditional breast implants, which interfere with obtaining a clear mammogram reading. What's more, soy bean oil implants are organic, i.e., made from purified, denatured soy bean oil extract. Nevertheless, soy implants were taken off the market in English-speaking countries and Canada in 1999 after several women had died from elephantiasis jugulosis, hideously enlarged breasts.

One of the earliest victims of elephantiasis jugulosis was Bethany Maxwell, a computer programmer from Toronto, who died on Boxing Day in 1997.

"All of a sudden her [breasts] just started growing, almost as if they were alive," said Maxwell's husband, Gordon. "The next thing I knew, she had toppled over and died."

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Tara Reid 2005
In point of fact, Maxwell's breasts were alive. If soy bean oil is not purified and denatured properly, it can revert to an active state, re-solidify, and begin growing in volume. If allowed to grow unchecked, its growth can be fatal.

Ironically, because SOL first manifests itself in balance problems, many women, Reid included, are suspected of drinking when they begin pitching forward and falling.

"We all thought Tara fell down a lot because she was drunk," said Reid's close friend Paris Hilton. "If she died of this halitosis thing, I'd feel terrible for making fun of her."

In other news, the electroshock machine at the newly opened Psychiatry: an Industry of Death museum in Hollywood malfunctioned yesterday, severely burning a twelve-year-old tourist and rendering him incapable of speaking. The machine, which was designed to simulate the "excruciating pain of electroschock therapy," is one of the most popular attractions of the museum, which was created by the Citizens Commission for Human Rights, a Scientology front group.


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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


The Gift of GAB
image of GAB avatarFuck those Twitter bitches. They banned all the cool kids like Milo, so all the cool kids are matriculating to GAB, where free spech matters.
Contact Us or Else
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Back by Unpopular Demand
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There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.


Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.


Free the Music
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