Spring equinox with its balanced periods of darkness and light is a perilous time for the Ram, who prefers to mood-swing from yin to yang, Bartles to Jaymes, and feit to counterfeit. So if there's too much Joel Gray in your astral brew, reinforce with infusions of Camille Paglia; too much Wayne Newton, unleaven with tincture of Al Gore.
Saddam Hussein Had Zoolander's Complex When He Died
Dec 30, 2006, 08:14
"He had a model's eyes," said an unidentified Pink Beret officer.
NEW YORK - Delicious photos taken of Saddam Hussein shortly before his execution suggest that the once-feared despot suffered from Zoolander's Complex, which manifests itself as a preoccupation with appearance and image. Among those photos, to be published exclusively in Them Weekly magazine, is the last known image of Mr. Hussein, scantily clad but still defiantly flashing what is obviously a well-rehearsed Blue Steel look.
The Blue Steel look—described in the Dictionary of Psychological Aberrations as "an expression that conveys both haughtiness and a beckoning magnetism"—is common among persons afflicted with Zoolander's Complex. Other indications of Zoolander's include an obsession with cleaning and folding one's clothes.
"Not coincidentally, Saddam was caught by the web cam in his toilet indulging in these behaviours during his last hours," said Patrick Hedding-West, FRCPsych, HMFIC, of Britain's Institute for Fashion Disorders. "It also seems apparent from these photos that Saddam has had a jockey-shorts wax and is using subtle but effective amounts of product in his hair."
According to a lifestyles editor at Them Weekly, the magazine obtained the images of Mr. Hussein from "a high-placed source" in the U.S. military's Pink Berets, an elite covert fashion-and-entertainment operation. The photos are part of the much-anticipated New Direction for Iraq campaign, which President Geroge W. Bush will roll out after he returns from vacation.
Mr. Bush hopes to demoralize Iraqi insurgents loyal to Mr. Hussein by portraying him as a "self-involved, narcissistic prat with homosexual tendencies."
The last known photo of Saddam Hussein, taken shortly before his execution.
As usual Mr. Bush appears to have tripped over his own weapon. Instead of belittling Saddam, the photos seem to have elicited sympathy for the dashing dictator throughout Iraq and other countries.
"No matter what he was before, he is still an Iraqi," said Basama Abdullah, a hairdresser in Baghdad. "These pictures are meant to shame all Iraqis by mocking their fashion sense, but the Yankee dog imperialists cannot hide the fact that they have killed far more Iraqis than Saddam would have gassed if he were still in power."
Other Muslims claimed that Mr. Hussein's obvious manifestations of Zoolander's Complex are evidence of his mistreatment and torture at the hands of his American captors—clear violations of the Geneva Convention and the UN Fashion Consortium's Code of Conduct.
President Bush, whom fashionistas routinely deride for his "Blue Chimp" look, declared yesterday that Saddam had been suffering from Zoolander's Complex long before he was captured by members of the Pink Berets.
"The increasing evidence of Zoolander's was sufficient reason to take Saddam down," declared the president. "He was diverting too many of his country's resources into fashion development, and he was threatening to undercut the United States with cheap fashion knock-offs and weapons of mass distribution. We either had to stop him on his own ground or stop him on the runways in New York."
In related news, a member of the Pink Berets denied that his unit possesses a Saddam Hussein sex video that will make Paris Hilton's video look like "the virgin effort of a high school girl in the back of an SUV on prom night."
Spring equinox with its balanced periods of darkness and light is a perilous time for the Ram, who prefers to mood-swing from yin to yang, Bartles to Jaymes, and feit to counterfeit. So if there's too much Joel Gray in your astral brew, reinforce with infusions of Camille Paglia; too much Wayne Newton, unleaven with tincture of Al Gore.
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