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Your Seldom Daily Horoscope
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Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
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The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
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Scarlett Johansson's Ass to Star in American Express Ad
Sep 17, 2011, 12:03
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Don't try this at home.
NEW YORK - Scarlett Johansson's ass and American Express: the perfect fit. Ms. Johansson never leaves home without them.

Scarlett Johansson: My Life, My Card
Name . . . Scarlett Johansson

Born . . . November 22, 1984

Sign . . . gluteus maximus rising

Childhood ambition . . . to have a really great ass when I grew up

Hope for the world . . . that my ass could be cloned

Favorite music . . . anything by the Ass Ponys

Biggest challenge . . . not acting like my ass weighs a ton

Secret vice . . . taking nude photos of my ass with my iPhone

Perfect day . . . when nobody hacks my iPhone account

Proudest moment . . . when my ass was featured in the opening of Lost in Translation

Greatest lesson . . . learning early on the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground

Fondest memory . . . winning Time's 2003 Ass of the Year award

Great disappointment . . . that my ass has never appeared on a Franklin Mint coin, yet

Most embarrassing moment . . . when my ass was cited as the inspiration for Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl"

Greatest fear . . . that I might get Assperger's syndrome

My life is . . . more exciting than yours because I've got a better ass

My card is . . . American Express, you asshole.

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Scarlett Johansson's ass in the unforgettable opening scene of Lost in Translation

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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 
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The Fuck It List

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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.