title of web site: postcards from the pug bus
 
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
image of an 8 ball Home   Ass Hats   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   image of an 8 ball
Search This Site

Deplorably Speaking
Our deplorable editor in briefs holds forth on a variety of topics from the ruination of sports to the frog-marching of male college students to the idiocies of third-wave feminism to whatever.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


image of a gun

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Jerry Garcia's Toilet Stolen, Bill Walton Is Suspect
Apr 3, 2006 - 1:58
an image
SONOMA, Calif. - Jerry Garcia's toilet is missing, and local police want to speak to hall of fame basketball player Bill Walton. The salmon-colored, guitar-
shaped commode with a hand-painted peace sign on the underside of the lid disappeared recently from a driveway along with three other toilets and a bidet, said a police spokesman.

Mr. Walton, 53, now an ABC/ESPN basketball analyst, was seen at Barking Dog Roasters, a coffee house in the Sonoma area, shortly before Mr. Garcia's toilet disappeared.

"Mr. Walton's reputation as a disciple of Mr. Garcia and his band the Grateful Dead—as well as Mr. Walton's presence in Sonoma recently—makes him a person of interest," said Sonoma police chief, Wilf Liberty.

Mr. Walton's allegiance to the Grateful Dead, the band with whom Mr. Garcia was associated from 1965 until his death thirty years later, is well documented. Mr. Walton attended nearly seven hundred Grateful Dead concerts; he played onstage with the band on occasion; and he traveled to Egypt with the Dead when they played at the Great Pyramids during a lunar eclipse in September 1978.

an image
Bill Walton and one of the several Jerry Garcia dolls he carries with him everywhere he goes.
In addition, Mr. Walton was one of a select few invited to Mr. Garcia's funeral; and Mr. Garcia was frequently a guest at Mr. Walton's San Diego home, where Mr. Garcia was often seen dancing naked around the huge tepee in the back yard.

Known to his fellow Deadheads as "Grateful Red," Mr. Walton has memorized the lyrics of every Grateful Dead song. He often confounds people, especially television viewers, by quoting those lyrics to illustrate a point. During a recent Lakers broadcast, for example, Mr. Walton described the play of Kobe Bryant thusly, "It's just a box of rain; I don't know who put it there; believe it if you need it; or leave it if you dare."

"Bill certainly put Jerry on a throne," said John Perry Barlow, who wrote the lyrics of a number of Grateful Dead songs. "It wouldn't surprise me if Bill wanted to sit on that throne himself. He often referred to Jerry's toilet as the greatest toilet in the history of bathrooms."

Mr. Garcia's unique toilet belonged to Henry Koltys, who bought Mr. Garcia's Marin County house for $1.39 million in 1997. After Mr. Koltys had subsequently sold the house, he moved the toilet and other items to his house in Sonoma, about forty miles north of San Francisco.

an image
Bill Walton is a member of the Grateful Dead Hall of Honor and the National Basketball Associaton Hall of Fame.
Last month, Mr. Koltys sold the toilet for $2,550 to an online casino, which planned to use it as part of a traveling marketing exhibit. The casino is offering a $250 reward for the toilet's safe return.

Mr. Walton, who declined to be interviewed for this piece, is a major Jerry Garcia memorabilia collector. Included in his extensive collection are Mr. Garcia's back scrubber, Weber grill, Birkenstocks, and a vial of bong water.

When we sent Mr. Walton an e-mail requesting an interview, we received the following reply, "There are times when I can help you out and times that you must fall. There are times when you must live in doubt, and I can't help at all."

In related news, Sonoma police chief Liberty refused to name the individuals to whom the other toilets and the bidet in Mr. Koltys' driveway belonged.


More Articles by This Author

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


The Gift of GAB
image of GAB avatarA pox on those social justice warriors and you too, GoDaddy. We know who your daddy is. GAB is making a comeback. Can the South be far behind?
Back by Unpopular Demand
image of phil maggitti standing next to a sign that reads last chance
Read any two articles, get the third one free!
Norton Internet Security Won't Let Customers Uninstall
Trump Praises Pug Bus for Official English Policy
Pippa Middleton's Ass Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

What Would Neitzsche Do?
image of F. NeitzscheForget Jesus H. Christ. Who gives a shit, besides Carson Wentz, what Jesus would do? In order to survive in a postmodern world, ask what would Neitzsche do.


The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.


Humor Feed Banner
Red Bull Logo



© Copyright 2006 by YourSite.com