Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
President Bush Wants Ban on Same-Sex Cruises
Jun 4, 2006, 14:46
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush told his weekly radio broadcast audience Saturday that he believes the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex-only vacation cruises. The move is widely seen as a bid to shore up the president's collapsing support among conservative voters and vacationers.
President Bush attacked what he called "activist vacation planners" for promoting same-sex cruises. He told his radio audience, estimated to be in the tens of thousands, that a change in the basic law of the United States was necessary to protect the family-oriented institution of cruises.
"Activist vacation planners have left our nation no other choice," said the president. "Ages of experience have taught us that god intended a cruise to be a vacation between a man and a woman, preferably married with children. Same-sex cruises, on the other hand, tear at the fabric of vacations and threaten the welfare of marriage and the stability of society."
Calling same-sex cruises "floating orgies," the president said their emphasis on sex and meeting people was "a direct threat to the American way of vacationing" and, as such, deserves our immediate attention.
The president then read a letter he had received from a DesMoines, Iowa, insurance executive, who complained that when he and his wife went on a cruise recently, they were appalled to learn that the ship on which they traveled had been used for an all-male cruise in the Caribbean.
"We felt dirty," wrote the insurance executive. "We actually lost weight on this cruise because our appetites were ruined. Next year we'll probably rent a suite in the Poconos instead."
Many observers argue, however, that pushing for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex cruises at this time is a pink herring designed to call attention away from a flood of bad news from Iraq that has seen Bush's poll ratings go down like a sinking ship. Many Republicans have a worried eye on November's mid-term elections, and have been looking for an issue to unify a party deeply split over the war, immigration, and runaway government spending.
Gay rights groups accused the president of playing politics with the vacation plans of a vulnerable minority.
"This amendment would brand lesbians and gay men as legally inferior vacationers," said Connor Slade, cruise project director of Lambda Getaways, a leading same-sex-cruise vacation planner.
In other news, Lloyds of London has raised premiums on the policy Britney Spears took out in January, a policy that insures her infant son, Sean Preston, against accidents and catastrophic injuries.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
