You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Condoleezza Rice Makes Surprise Visit to Beirut Mall
Jul 25, 2006, 12:58
BEIRUT - Condoleezza Rice made a surprise visit to Beirut yesterday to shop at the new luxury goods mall, one of the redevelopment projects instituted by the Lebanese government in a drive to bring increased commerce to the area.
Any potential public relations benefits from touting the westernization of the Middle East were thwarted, however, when Ms. Rice and her cadre of secret service officers found the secretary's favorite shoe store, Salvatore Ferragamo, closed for business.
"Word came from headquarters in Italy to close for an indefinite period of time once the bombing began," said a spokesperson for the store. "Fears are that the fall shipment of cork-soled sandals and quilted ballet flats were stuck in customs when the airport went up in flames."
Ms. Rice has emerged as a role model for many women, with her clothing choices garnering increased attention. Her appearance last year on an East German tarmac wearing a full-length officer's coat from the Ralph Lauren Black Label collection along with knee-high leather boots by Jimmy Choo cemented her reputation as a fashion icon.
"The military look is trending right now, with designers like Giorgio Armani and Yves Saint Laurent showing square shoulders, brass buttons, and lots of epaulets," said Simone Solomon, CFDA fashion director. "And Condi wears it well, being a size six and all."
An aide for Ms. Rice said that she'd have no problem wearing combat boots instead of her signature Ferragamos while visiting areas of strife in Jerusalem, despite the boots' highly unflattering look. The aide also announced that Ms. Rice would do no shopping during her visit to Jerusalem, but would make time in Rome to shop at the Ferragamo flagship store while on break from the conference there to discuss ending the fighting in Lebanon.
Israeli merchants were infuriated by Ms. Rice's decision not to shop in Jerusalem.
"The United States has given a blank check to the enemies of Israel," said Moyshe Knitenyahu, Israel's minister of fashion. "If this treatment continues, we will have no choice but to launch preemptive strikes against upscale Lebanese boutiques in self-defense. In fact, we may even target BCBG and Esprit."
While attempting to maintain a neutral tone, a Ferragamo spokesperson applauded Ms. Rice's attention to fashion.
"A well-dressed woman is a powerful woman. Ferragamo stands behind Condi's efforts to bring peace and fashion to the Middle East. In peacetime, women can wear beautiful flats of the best Italian leather while they sit at cafés in their lovely countries. Everyone should enjoy la dolce vita."
Ms. Rice's unannounced visit to Beirut continues the Bush administration's devotion to surprise diplomacy. President Bush has made two surprised visits to Baghdad, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has stopped in unannounced at a brothel in Tikrit.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
