Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Britney Spears the New Face of Wal-Mart
Aug 24, 2006, 14:24
"Clean up in aisle 9."
BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Britney Spears is the new face of Wal-Mart. The singer recently inked a multimillion dollar contract with the retail giant, which will use her image to promote I'm Country, a new integrated line of casual fashions, cosmetics, and home accessories.
M. Susan Chambers, executive vice president of Wal-Mart's people division, announced the signing in a prepared statement yesterday.
"We are delighted to have Britney Spears become part of the Wal-Mart family," said Ms. Chambers. "We feel that Britney, more than any other celebrity, speaks to the soul of our customer base: the working mother who's maybe put on weight and let herself go, but who's still a sassy little number at heart."
Research conducted by the Retail Demographic Institute (RDI) supports Ms. Chambers' faith in Ms. Spears.
Britney Spears models a super-petite baby doll maternity dress from Wal- Mart's new I'm Country collection.
"The average Wal-Mart shopper is an under- educated, overweight mother, totally lacking in sophistication, who is married to a man forty pounds her junior," said RDI's director of consumer profiles, Daniel Moffatt.
"No other celebrity can bring all that to the table —and chew gum at the same time—the way Britney Spears can. When Wal-Mart shoppers see Britney with a wad of gum in her mouth on television, they know she's one of their own."
Financial details of the contract were not made available, but a source close to Ms. Spears said that thanks to Wal-Mart's generosity, "Brit will not have to work another day in her life, even if she wanted to."
In other news, Joseph Lieberman (D-CT) has begun collecting signatures that will enable Pluto to run as an independent in order to regain its status as one of the nine planets of the solar system.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
