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Paul McCartney, Iraq War, Mystery Sculpture Top News Headlines
Mar 19, 2008, 17:19
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WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Paul McCartney is rid of Heather Mills and $49.8 million; the War in Iraq is five years old and isn't toilet trained yet; the Houston Rockets winning streak blew up in their hands; but the big news today is the appearance of a mystery sculpture on the Postcards from the Pug Bus compound near West Chester, Pennsylvania.

Astonished local residents walking past the 1.2-acre compound near the West Chester University campus were divided on what the large sculpture represents.

"It looks like a cross between an Afghan hound in heat and a Tennessee walking horse with a stick up its ass," said Jon Keslowski, a phys major.

"It's a dead ringer for Chelsea Clinton," said another observer who asked not to be identified.

Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus, told reporters, "At first we thought the sumbitch had escaped from Burning Man. Then we figured some damn elementary school class had sneaked onto the compound overnight Sunday and put up another memorial to Barbaro. They're all over this area, and before you can say "who gives a shit," it will be Kentucky Derby time again."

Mr. Maggitti said he had no plans to remove the sculpture, though he would entertain offers for it.

"If somebody's looking to trade his kingdom for a horse, we've got just the thing for him."

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.