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Obama Gets Down to Connect with Voters
May 11, 2008, 09:34
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Sometimes the black guys wear good hats.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In preparation for the upcoming presidential primaries in Oregon and Kentucky, Barack Obama made appearances at local sports venues in those states in an attempt to shed his elitist image and to appeal to the common man.

Senator Obama campaigned at historic Hayward Field at the University of Oregon during the Oregon Twilight Invitational track and field meet. Spectators were spellbound as he worked the crowd.

Obama even cleared a hurdle on the track after the track announcer invited him to participate in the 400 meter hurdles race. Afterwards, he told one of his campaign employees that he was worried he would also be invited to throw the javelin, because he wants to avoid ethnic events that may alienate blue-collar, white voters.

Senator Obama then traveled to Kentucky, where he addressed a small crowd at Churchill Downs, home of the Kentucky Derby. Obama told the audience, which included several horses, that he enjoyed horseracing. He also revealed that bluegrass was his favorite music. He went on to say his political opponents have tried in vain to separate him from his Midwestern roots by linking him to a former pastor in Chicago—and to overwhelming support among African American voters in the North Carolina and Pennsylvania primaries.

In his usual soaring oratory Obama told the crowd that the recent attacks are part of the “old Washington politics” that he will change, and that comments of “former pastors and support from African-Americans” are non-issues that don’t matter to the American people.

“Let me be as unequivocal as any politician can be, I find rhythm and blues to be offensive—as do most Kentuckyans—and I categorically condemn rap music.”

Political analyst George Will, who characterized the remarks as the “worst sort of political pandering that [he has] ever seen,” said he wishes he had thought of it himself to use in the next roundtable political discussion on This Week with George Stephanopoulos.

Not to be outdone, former President Bill Clinton said his favorite instrument is the banjo.

“Hillary used to play the fiddle before we were married. Now you could probably string a fiddle with her dry, coarse, gray hair. Monica, Where are you!? I need you!”

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.