Home   Ass Hat Awards   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   Contact
Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
More Horoscopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
screw the riaaStrike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.



Humor Feed Banner
 
Michael Phelps Disqualified from Olympics
Aug 17, 2008, 08:45
an image
BEIJING -- United States swimming star Michael Phelps has been disqualified from the Beijing Olympics, the International Olympic Committee announced today. The move, which strips Phelps of the eight gold medals he won in Beijing, threatens to cast a pall over his record-breaking performance.

IOC President, Jacques Rogge, announced the unprecedented decision following a determination that Phelps, 23, had used "performance enhancements" in all of his swimming competitions during the Games of the XXIX Olympiad.

International Olympic Committee spokeswoman Giselle Davies gave this explanation to the decision.

"We had thought that his biceps and triceps looked unusually large, but he had passed all the standard doping tests, and there was no evidence of pharmaceutically based performance enhancements. Still we felt that appearance alone merited further investigation," said Davies.

"As we continued to look, what we discovered was that Phelps has been wearing water wings, also called floaties, floaters, arm bands, or swimmies—inflatable upper-arm devices traditionally used to help wearers float in water and to assist young swimmers in learning to swim. Phelps had worn them during both the qualifying heats and in medal rounds of all of his Olympic swimming events," Davies added.

"This had passed without notice because Phelps apparently has been using flesh-colored devices and had been slowly increasing the inflation over several years," said Davies.

The investigation continues as officials try to determine what gas Phelps used to inflate the devices. The current suspicion is helium.

With his disqualification and the revocation of his medals, Phelps' bid to surpass U.S. swimmer Mark Spitz's record-setting total of seven gold medals in a single Olympics ended.

As a consequence of the IOC action, the United States gold medal count dropped by almost half as China took a commanding first-place lead in the overall medal contest.



Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.


top-of-page link  top of page  teensy, tiny image of stamped envelope  e-mail this article  teensy, tiny image of printer  printer friendly page


© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 

twitter icon for linking purposes
Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Joe Paterno image

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.