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You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
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Obama to Name William Ayers Secretary of Education
Nov 6, 2008, 16:46
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CHICAGO - President elect Barack Obama is expected to name Chicago educator William Ayers to the post of secretary of education.

Sources close to Mr. Obama say that he is focused on assembling the key components of his administration as quickly as possible; that is why he will appoint his longtime friend Mr. Ayers to a cabinet position.

"Barack has been paling around with Bill for some time," said interim Obama press secretary, Chris Rock. "He believes Bill is a dynamite guy who will have an explosive impact on educational policy."

Despite the difference in their ages--when Mr. Ayers was twenty-five, Mr. Obama was only eight--the two men have been friends for more than a dozen years. They met in 1995 when they served together on the Chicago Annenberg Challenge Project's board of directors, helping to oversee the distribution of welfare grants to unwed, nonworking mothers in Chicago. Later that year Mr. Ayers, a professor of education at the University of Illinois, hosted a "single-estate, fair-trade-coffee-and-conversation" event for Mr. Obama when he first ran for political office.

"I have been privileged to work with Barack Obama in the past," said Mr. Ayers in a prepared statement. "I only wish we could have done more. From the first time I met him, I could tell he was going places. Like Bob Dylan said, 'You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.'"

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.