Miami Scientists Discover Right-Breast Bias
Feb 13, 2009, 14:47
MIAMI - A scientific study reported in the April issue of Big Uns magazine reveals that men demonstrate a clear bias for the right breast when “staring at a woman’s rack.”
In this study, conducted at the University of Miami’s Department of Reverse Psychology, seventy-five male subjects ranging in age from three months to sixty-five years were shown video images of fifteen topless women walking toward a camera.
The women, who measured from 32-B to 38-D, were selected from the university’s cheerleading and synchronized swimming teams. Webcams mounted in the private booths in which the subjects were sitting recorded their head and eye movements as they looked at the images of the topless women.
“The vast majority of the subjects, 78 percent, directed their attention immediately to the right breast,” said Norman Chew, Ph.D., head researcher in the experiment. “Fourteen percent looked at the left breast, while 8 percent were excused from the study because they were nodding their heads so vigorously we were unable to tell where they were looking.”
Dr. Chew believes that a possible reason for this marked tendency may be the fact that a woman’s right breast is a controlled by the left side of her brain, the side “more involved with displaying emotion.”
“The right side of the human face is more expressive than the left side,” he continued, “so we should not be surprised that the right breast is more outgoing and attractive than the left. You’ve heard the expression ‘Colder than a witch’s left teat.’ Nobody’s ever accused a witch’s right teat of being cold.”
In an effort to control for the possibility of observational bias, twelve of the topless women were asked to walk toward the camera on their hands. The research subjects did not display a first-glance preference for either breast.
“You know what they say,” laughed Dr. Chew. “Turn ‘em upside down and they all look like sisters.”
While the scientific community is reportedly already buzzing over the Miami study, the reaction on the street is underwhelming.
“I coulda told ‘em that,” said the owner of Big Al’s Diamond Cabaret, a topless bar in Reading, Pennsylvania. “The guys we have to throw out for grabbing some titty during a lap dance invariably grab the right one.”
