Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Three Second Rule Extended During Recession
Mar 25, 2009, 12:50
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.
"With so many Americans struggling to put food on the table, they don't have the luxury of fussing about a little dust or maybe a cat hair or two on a hot dog," said the spokesperson.
The new extension, which goes into effect at midnight Friday, is expected to save Americans millions of dollars annually. It will remain in effect until the recession is over.
The USDA is optimistic that extending the three-second rule
will help to mitigate the effects of the recession. If additional help is required, however, there are other steps that could be taken, such as suspending the guideline against eating anything the dog has licked more than three times, or replacing the USDA food pyramid with a trapezoid.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
