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CFA Says Tiger Is Most Popular Cat Password
Dec 16, 2009, 11:41
MANASQUAN, N.J. - According to The Cat Fanciers' Association (CFA), the world's largest registry of pedigreed cats, the cat name used most frequently as a computer password among its members is Tiger.
People who believe that registering and showing cats is even more futile that herding them predict that CFA will wind up with litter on its face as a result.
"I disagree," said CFA president, Missy "Bam-Bam" Delapert (pronounced deal-a-pair). "After all, our survey was completed before we learned about Mr. Woods and his penchant for, ahem, catting around, so to speak."
More than five hundred CFA members who use their cats' names as passwords responded to CFA's First Annual Cat Password survey, which was sponsored by Kitty Kondoms, the world's first prophylactic for cats. CFA is the exclusive distributor of Kitty Kondoms in "the tri-state New Jersey area," added Ms. Delapert.
CFA decided to launch its survey despite the fact that computer safety experts call it "a dumb-ass idea" to use your cat's name as a password, especially when your cat's name is something as pedestrian as Tiger--or Tigger, which finished second in CFA's poll.
"It doesn't take much imagination for some pot-smoking hacker in Amsterdam to try commonly used cat names such as Whiskers, Baby, Oreo, and Mr. Puddles when trying to break into a computer system," said Arjun Patel of Symantec, a computer security firm.
Coincidentally Baby, Oreo, and Mr. Puddles ranked third through sixth in CFA's survey.
CFA secretary-treasurer, Kathy Anger, called Mr. Patel's comments an "insult to cat lovers" everywhere.
"Why should people whose cats are named Shadow, Princess Kitty, Cuddles, or Boots be penalized just because they didn't choose some snooty name like Copernicus or something?"
Coincidentally Shadow, Princess Kitty, Cuddles, and Boots came in sixth through tenth in CFA's survey.
In other news, Merck Pharmaceuticals, manufacturer of NuvaRing, the world's only round contraceptive device, announced yesterday that it is partnering with T-Mobile to produce a series of NuvaRingtones.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
