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Wizards Win Shoot Out with 76ers
Jan 6, 2010, 09:56
Outdated file photo. Last night's game ended too early for us to include a real image.
PHILADELPHIA, Penna. - After looking as if they had been playing with unloaded guns for the entire first half, the Washington Wizards rallied from an 18-point, third-quarter deficit to outshoot the Philadelphia 76ers 104-97 at the Wachovia Center last night.
"They came out with all guns blazing," said Wizards' guard Gilbert Arenas, who finished with 19 points and 14 assists. "They were hotter than those Saturday night specials we like to mess around with in our locker room."
Despite trying to boost team morale by wearing throwback Washington Bullets' jerseys, the Wizards continually shot themselves in the foot during the first half; and they were staring down the barrel of their fifth straight loss, trailing 64-46, with 10:30 remaining in the third quarter.
Shortly afterward the 76ers appeared to run low on ammunition, and while they paused to reload, the Wizards went on a 13-0 shooting spree. By the end of the quarter, the Sixers' lead had been shot full of holes, and the Wizards trailed by only two points, 80-78.
"We beat them to the draw, but then we turned into the team that couldn't shoot straight," said Sixers' small forward Andre Iguodala (20 points, 8 assists, 4 steals).
When the fourth quarter started, the Wizards had the Sixers in their sights; and with 4:46 remaining in the game, Wizards' reserve triggerman Nick Young's three-point play gave the Wizards a 92-90 lead. Hitting bullseye after bullseye during the fourth quarter, Mr. Young finished the night with 21 points.
"We got caught in the crossfire between Young and (Antawn) Jamison down the stretch," said an obviously disappointed Sixers' coach Eddie Jordan in his post-game press conference. "They shot the lights out while we kept missing from point-blank range."
Mr. Jamison, who had 32 points and 14 rebounds by the time the smoke had cleared, was the big gun for the Wizards.
"They were shooting blanks most of the second half," said Mr. Jamison. "If you're gonna bring a gun into an NBA facility, it might as well be loaded."
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
