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The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Al Gore Claims Credit for Inventing the Toilet Cam
Jan 8, 2010, 12:21
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Former vice president Al Gore will tell the American Library Association's (ALA) midwinter meeting in Boston next week that he invented the toilet cam.
In a draft copy of the vice president's address that was leaked to Postcards from the Pug Bus late yesterday, Mr. Gore declared: "I developed the toilet cam originally just to mess with Tipper and the kids. It (the toilet cam) was something I did in my spare time after I had gotten the Internet up and running."
Eventually Mr. Gore and his family tired of the home movies the vice president had put together from his toilet-cam footage.
"It was so embarrassing when my father would show pictures of me on the john to my boyfriends," said Mr. Gore's younger daughter, Sarah LaFon Gore Lee.
The toilet cam might have remained simply another one of the madcap Gore's forgotten wacky "inventions" were it not for his involvement in the global-warming and conservation fields—and his promotion of hybrid cars and energy-efficient light bulbs.
"I suspected there was more I could be doing to save the planet," said Mr. Gore. "Then one day I realized I had completely overlooked the pernicious effect of courtesy flushes on our nation's water supply."
The courtesy flush, as its name implies, is a rapid, surgically precise flush of the toilet at the exact moment of defecation so as to minimize the social consequences of Number Two.
If you can read this, you're probably pissing on your foot.
"The toilet uses five gallons of water per flush," said the vice president. "The courtesy flush doubles that figure—even in low-volume, water-friendly toilets that use only 1.6 gallons per flush. You do the math."
In what is certain to be a controversial suggestion, Mr. Gore will propose to ALA members that toilet cams be installed in all public restrooms. The move, he asserts, will create not only jobs but also a significant reduction in water use.
"If people know they're being watched when they're in the can," said the vice president,"they won't be so cavalier about wasting water on a courtesy flush. Besides, if they ate more green, they wouldn't need a courtesy flush in the first place. Just ask Tipper if you don't believe me."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
