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Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
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The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
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Dick Cheney Blasts Americans for Letting Terrorists Win
Jan 10, 2010, 11:46
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Every time he inhales, the terrorists win.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Vice President Dick Cheney blamed Americans yesterday for "being in bed with" terrorists. "The people of this nation are as much to blame as their pusillanimous, light-skinned president for delivering the head of democracy to the terrorists on a silver platter," said Mr. Cheney when he appeared before the steering committee of the American Tea Party.

Calling Americans "a nation of sniveling weasels," the vice president rattled off a list of "corrosive behaviors of which all Americans are guilty at one time or another." According to Mr. Cheney, the terrorists win every time if we park illegally in a handicapped zone, especially when it's raining; if we download pirated music or movies; if we don't pay our library fines; if we smoke marijuana or say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."

Terrorists also cop the cherry if we cheat on our income taxes; if we don't scoop up after our dogs; if we subscribe to magazines like The Progressive or Newsweek; if we buy knock-off watches and leatherware; legalize same-sex marriage or stop at a foreign-owned Dunkin' Donuts.

We assume the position for terrorists' if we don't use four-digit extensions on ZIP codes; if we eliminate red meat from our diets; if we lie about our ages; encrypt data files on our computers; abandon water boarding; provide fair trials for terror suspects or "bend over frontward" to appease the United Nations.

Although Mr. Cheney's remarks elicited bloodthirsty laughter from his audience, he drew his most fevered response when he bit the head off a rubber Obama doll and urinated down its neck.

Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.

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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 
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The Fuck It List

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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.