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Taylor Swift Plans Chain of Anal Bleaching Salons
Jan 13, 2010, 16:53
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NASHVILLE - Country artist Taylor Swift, 20, announced on her website yesterday that she plans to open a chain of anal bleaching salons this summer. Ms. Swift, who turns her frequent two-month romances into popular songs, will cut the ribbon at the flagship Pucker Up bleaching salon in Los Angeles at a date to be announced later. As usual she plans to write a song for the occasion.

"I was hurt so badly when a boyfriend—I forget whether it was Joe (Jonas), Taylor (Lautner), John (Meyer), or Zac (Efron)—said my brown eye really made him blue," said Ms. Swift. "It was weeks before I could even think of letting anybody see me naked again."

In the meantime Ms. Swift "researched Wikipedia," where she learned, "Some light-skinned people have some degree of darker pigmentation of the skin immediately around the anus, which can be mistaken for poor personal hygiene."

"I had never heard of such a thing," said Ms. Swift. "Poor personal hygiene is soooo gross, especially among girls like me who have taken the pledge to remain virgins until they get married."

After writing a song to reassure her fans that her "tooter" is not disgusting, Ms. Swift decided to try a little Brown Off anal bleaching cream at a local salon.

"It worked so well I saw [the chain of salons] as a way of diversifying. I mean, I can't keep writing break-up songs all my life. I will get married some day, then I'll be stuck with nothing to write about except babies."

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The Fuck It List

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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die
1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.