You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Klaus Harmony Tribute Band Will Rock 2011 Super Bowl
Feb 8, 2010, 07:52
Famed composer Klaus Harmony in his prime
A German Klaus Harmony tribute band calling themselves the Wondercrotchens is scheduled to rock the 2011 Super Bowl, according to a National Football League spokesperson. Their appearance will mark the first ever performance by a tribute band at the Super Bowl.
"We have featured every aging rock group who could still wheel themselves on stage," said the spokesperson. "We figured it was time to start appealing to our international audience if we're ever going to supplant soccer as the #1 sport in Europe."
According to Wikipedia, Klaus Harmony was a promising cabaret performer when he formed a pop group, Accordion Pete & the Accordion Boys, in 1962. When music critics called his style "too theatrical," Mr. Harmony formed another group, The Accordion Boy & His Pop Beat Combo Chums, whose "Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me" was a number one single in the UK.
After two personal tragedies that would have devastated most bands, The Pop Beat Combo Chums, who were calling themselves Kinky Roosevelt by then, split up in 1968. Subsequently Mr. Harmony moved to Utrecht, where he met fledgling film director, Friedrich Wohlfäht, a member of the new Erotik expressionist movement.
The two became fast friends and collaborators. They are best remembered for the highly controversial Die Sins des Apostles (1972), a depiction of Christ's disciples pursuing the knowledge of god through sexual union.
In 1984 Mr. Harmony, then forty-three, was killed in an unexplained explosion at a used record store in London's East End. Lack of evidence led some to speculate that the composer did not perish—and others to claim that he did not exist at all.
There is no word yet on the Wondercrotchens' set list, but Postcards from the Pug Bus will bring that news as soon as it happens—if not sooner.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
