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Chilean President Blames Pat Robertson for Earthquake's Effects
Mar 1, 2010, 11:26
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CONCEPCION - Chilean President Michelle Bachelet told a group of displaced persons cooking rodents around an open fire yesterday that televangelist Pat Robertson is responsible for the despair and lawlessness currently sweeping their country.

Chile was mugged by an 8.8 earthquake on Saturday that roto-tilled its central region and displaced more than two million people.

"Whenever there's a natural disaster, Mr. Robertson always blames the victims," said President Bachelet. "Whether it's Hurricane Katrina or the earthquake in Haiti, it's always the fault of sinners, poor people, gays, unwed mothers, whoever.

"If you tell the Haitian people that god sent them an earthquake because he's mad at them, what are the people of Chile going to think when they get an earthquake?" she continued.

"Is it any wonder that Chilean people are looting and urinating in the streets? When they hear people like Pat Robertson saying that god thinks earthquake victims had it coming, they think, 'Why hold it until I get to MacDonald's?' Especially if MacDonald's is flatter than a pancake?"

President Bachelet concluded her impromptu remarks by calling on Mr. Robertson to absolve the people of Chile of any complicity in the earthquake that devastated their country. If he fails to do that, she said, he will surely "burn in hell."

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.