Home   Ass Hat Awards   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   Contact
Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
More Horoscopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
screw the riaaStrike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
Humor Feed Banner
 
Lil' Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery
Mar 2, 2010, 13:11
an image
NEW YORK - Once again an attorney for Lil' Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion's jail sentencing for attempted gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request for a postponement because Lil' Wayne needed eight root canals and complex dental-implant work.

Now the rapper is seeking three weeks' grace before he begins serving a year in prison because, his attorney revealed, Lil' Wayne needs hemorrhoid surgery.

"This is a delicate situation, your honor," said Wayne's attorney Max Freeland in a court appearance this morning. "My client cannot be exposed to the rigors of prison sex when he's got hemorrhoids the size of marbles."

Stifling a smile, Judge Solomon replied, "We cannot afford to postpone your client's sentencing repeatedly while he arranges for a complete makeover. This is prison, not Nip/Tuck.."

Nevertheless, the judge agree to allow Lil' Wayne three weeks to have his hemorrhoids removed. The judge warned, however, that "your client will begin serving his sentence on March 23. So don't be coming back in here saying Mr. Wayne needs extra time because he's planning a sex-change operation."

Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.

top-of-page link  top of page  teensy, tiny image of stamped envelope  e-mail this article  teensy, tiny image of printer  printer friendly page

© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 
twitter icon for linking purposes
Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Joe Paterno image

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.