You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Corey Haim or Corey Feldman Found Dead of Drug Overdose
Mar 10, 2010, 10:00
HOLLYWOOD - Actor Corey Haim, 38, or actor Corey Feldman, 38, was pronounced dead at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, California, Wednesday morning after an apparent overdose. This according to a police spokesman.
Police learned of the death, which occurred between 4 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, when staff at the hospital called authorities, said Sgt. Frank Albarren of the Los Angeles Police Department's North Hollywood Station.
"The hospital wasn't able to identify the body right away because, like so many other people, they couldn't tell the difference between Mr. Haim and Mr. Feldman," said the sargeant.
Indeed, since Mr. Feldman and Mr. Haim appeared together in The Lost Boys in 1987, even their friends and family have had difficulty telling them apart, and the actors often added to the confusion by trading places with each other at Seder suppers and other religious observations.
The problem was exacerbated when the duo, who came to be known as "The Two Coreys," appeared in a string of films including License to Drive (1988) and Dream a Little Dream (1989).
A crowd, consisting of fans of the actors, gathered outside the hospital after news that one of them had died spread across the Internet.
"I couldn't believe it when I heard that Corey Haim had died," said Melissa Conroy, a telemarketer from Redding, California. "I just loved him in Friday the 13th."
"Wasn't that Corey Feldman in Friday the 13th?" asked a reporter.
"You mean he's dead, too?" replied Ms. Conroy. "He was sooo cute in Lucas."
"That was Corey Haim," said the reporter.
"Corey Haim?" said another mourner. "Was it him or Corey Feldman who was involved with Michael Jackson?"
"Actually, they both were," said the reporter.
Sargeant Albarren assured mourners that as soon as a positive identification of the body "has been effected," authorities will notify the next of kin "with either good or bad news, depending on their point of view."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
