Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
E-Trade Sues Lindsay Lohan for Damages
Mar 11, 2010, 07:13
NEW YORK - E-Trade has filed a countersuit against Lindsay Lohan, seeking $100 million in damages for what it calls "malicious and damaging association." The suit, filed yesterday in a Manhattan court, charges that the former actress and singer did irreversable damage to E-Trade's reputation by claiming that the "milkaholic" baby named Lindsay in a recent E-Trade commercial is based on Ms. Lohan.
"Lindsay Lohan's suit against E-Trade is beyond frivolous," said E-Trade spokesperson Gail Cunningham. "It is a cynical attempt to revive her career by maligning our reputation. What makes her think any legitimate company would reference a celebrity known more for public drunkeness and widespread drug abuse than for her lamentable 'acting'? We don't need that toxic asset on our books."
The E-Trade ad, which is alleged to have sent Ms. Lohan, 23, crying to her mother, features a baby girl who is upset because her boyfriend did not call the previous night. The boy apologizes, saying he was busy on E-Trade, diversifying his portfolio like a wolf. He then howls, which appears to send his little girlfriend into a swoon. Nevertheless, she asks, "And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn't over?"
"Lindsay?" the boy asks, attempting to look innocent; but he is so busted when another baby girl pokes her head into the frame and asks, "Milk-a-what?"
After she had stopped crying, Ms. Lohan filed a lawsuit in Nassau County Supreme Court in New York, claiming that E-Trade had violated her rights by using her "name and characterization" in business without paying her or obtaining her approval. Ms. Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, contends that it doesn't matter that the commercial doesn't mention Ms. Lohan's surname (note to Lindsay Lohan fans: a surname is a person's last name).
"Do you know the name Oprah? Do you know the name Madonna?" said Ms. Ovadia. "Same thing. Why didn't they use the name Susan?"
Because they didn't want to offend Susan Sarandon?
A spokesperson for Grey Group, which produced the "milkaholic" commercial, explained the choice of the name Lindsay.
"We just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team."
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
