You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
AARP Endorses iPad Betty White Model for Sexting Seniors-CCTV Cameras
Mar 14, 2010, 11:30
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Apple and the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) have joined forces in order to fill a niche in the ever-competitive cell phone market: the growing popularity of sexting among senior citizens.
"We believe that an active, satisfying sex life is important for a senior citizen's health and well being," said AARP spokesperson Mindy Lamont. "This includes foreplay in all its aspects, even the transmission of come-hither images that are attached to text messages—a practice known as 'sexting.'"
According to Ms. Lamont, the AARP does not keep track of the number of senior citizens who "sext" one another, but anecdotal evidence suggests that the practice is growing among fit, mischievous seniors—and it's not only octogenarian men hopped up on Viagra who do it.
"I nearly swallowed my uppers, when I opened the text message Ms. Haversham sent me the other day," said Jose Estavez, 75, a resident at Sunrise Acres near Baltimore, Maryland. "I didn't even know she could work a cell phone. I mean really work it."
The popularity of sexting among seniors will receive a boost when the Apple iPad Betty White model ships later this month. Designed to fill the void between the iPod Touch and the iPad, the smoke-gray Betty White features a large-print touch screen that measures six inches diagonally; a built-in 5-megapixel camera which works as well as cctv cameras, with a range of settings from gauzy to gynecological; ear buds that double as hearing aids; and a docking stand that facilitates hands-free photography.
"I just can't wait to get one," said Violet Sumner, 81, a resident at Elysian Fields assisted living in Minneapolis. "I tried sexting once with a regular cell phone, but I sent a close-up of me in my purple thong to my five-year-old great-great-granddaughter by mistake. I sure could have used a large-print screen then."
According to an AARP spokesperson, seniors who have been holding on to their Verizon wireless promo codes waiting for Verizon to become a service provider for the iPhone, should not have to wait much longer.
"Rumors have it that you should see that happen by January 2011. Sadly, this may be too long for some seniors to wait."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
