Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Ashton Kutcher Looking for Older Woman
Oct 1, 2011, 20:53
HOLLYWOOD - The young clam that Ashton Kutcher allegedly shucked on his sixth wedding anniversary last weekend was just a beard, a decoy meant to throw inquiring minds off the scent of the woman he really craves: a woman of a certain age. In Mr. Kutcher's case, that age appears to be north of sixty.
"Ashton's seen that Helen Mirren film Calendar Girls like a zillion times," laughed Wilmer Valderrama, who appeared with Mr. Kutcher on That '70s Show. "He's also really into—or would like to be into—Susan Sarandon, Glenn Close, and Diane Keaton. He's got posters from their latest movies all over his boy cave. Demi finally got tired of it and went to New York without him on their anniversary."
Demi Moore, 48, is fifteen years older than her husband, Mr. Kutcher. Friends are whispering that her obsession with staying young may have been the ruination of her marriage.
"If Ashton wanted young, he would have married young," said Mr. Valderrama. "He wanted to watch Demi grow wrinkles, lose pubic hairs, all that good stuff, but it wasn't happening fast enough for him. I think Demi truly loved him, but she didn't love him enough to get old for him."
According to Dr. Phil, "Ashton suffers from advanced Peter Pan complex. He needs to be with someone older than he is so that he can continue to look young, even as he ages. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if he hit on Betty White next."
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
